Learning

ONE WORD 365 // Week 5, Book 5

2012-02-10T19:04:00.000-08:00

OK, so it took me almost two weeks to finish my Week 5 book. It's finished and ready to be returned to the library. And I still have two days to cram in a book for Week 6.

Fordlandia: The Rise and Fall of Henry Ford's Forgotten Jungle City
By Greg Grandin
New York: Metropolitan Books, 2009

I found this title while looking through the list of award winners on Amazon. Rather than buy it, I found it through my local library.

Two things drew me to this book: 1) History connected to Henry Ford and Dearborn, Mich., and 2) the idea of depositing an ideal American society into the Amazon jungle.

What a fascinating read. It gives the history to the hows and whys Henry Ford sought to build a city along the Amazon and gives the details of how it started and ultimately failed. It was interesting to read how Ford changed his tune as his quest for growing rubber failed. The reason for being in the Amazon suddenly became a "civilizing mission," to transplant American society to the people of the Amazon.

The overall story is kind of sad. Henry Ford had big dreams but it seems he also suffered from tunnel vision. He wanted to simply recreate the operation that worked in Michigan. Except that it was an entirely different culture of people and ecosystem, and no adjustments or concessions were made for those. The whole project might have worked if Ford were more flexible and engaged more with the land, the ecosystem and the people. But he just sent teams down to set up shop and create a little American town in the Amazon jungle without planning for what might happen.

That said, if you have time, read it.

There is a solid book review from the NY Times here: "Dearborn-on-Amazon"

On finishing I started "googling" Fordlandia. Seeing this place in person is now on my bucket list and I wanted to see if there were any recent pictures, to see if any others travelers have since been to Fordlandia and sister city Belterra (Ford's second attempt and perhaps more successful venture). I found one guy who added it to his Amazon visit also after reading the book. His travel blog is here. He has a link to a Facebook page with a bunch of photos from his stop there, including some from the Ford water tower in Fordlandia. They are worth a look, especially if you've read the book: Fordlandia and Belterra on Facebook.

ONE WORD 365 // Week 4, Book 4

2012-02-03T19:59:00.000-08:00

I went with something "lighter" this week....

Hunger Games
By Suzanne Collins
New York: Scholastic Press, 2010

"Welcome, and Happy Hunger Games!"

I had planned on reading this but the wait list for a copy through the public library was forever long. And then I saw the trailer for the movie. That's it. I bought the Kindle edition.

And once I started, it was easy to get through. Loved it. Now I need the next two...

I don't have much of a review here. It's a great story and if you don't mind being caught reading teen science fiction/fantasy, then you should pick it up.

I'll leave you with this:

ONE WORD 365 // Week 3, Book 3

2012-02-03T19:41:00.000-08:00

Let's catch up here...

While You Were Micro-Sleeping: Fresh Insights on the Changing Face of North American Missions
By Steve Moore
Stone Mountain, GA: The Mission Exchange, 2009

This book was required reading for the team at Global Initiative, the missions organization that I will be joining this year.

Each chapter is a transcript from video blogs (vlogs) that The Mission Exchange hosted starting in 2008, called Learning @ the Speed of Life. The point of the blogs (and the book) is to remind people that to stop learning, even for a short time, brings the risk of irrelevance.

I read the book with my upcoming work with the Global Initiative team and audience in mind.

The book read quickly; the chapters were not long. And since the subject matter was interesting, it didn't take much effort to read. And it will be easy to flip back and re-read particular chapters for reminders.

The one that stuck with me the most after the first reading was chapter 3, "Where's Your Green Line?" A "green line" is "the line of activity or behavior that if someone crosses it [you] perceive them to be 'out of bounds' as it relates to [your] conviction about being a good steward of creation" (11).

Ever since seminary and moving back from L.A. I have become more of a "tree hugger." I did some focused study on creation care and our job (as humanity and as Christians) to care for the earth in grad school. I started recycling as much as possible, using less energy in the house and became a strict vegetarian, all in an effort to make my "carbon footprint" smaller. I seek to consume less and reuse more. I cook and bake more from scratch; I shop local and organic as often as possible. I use the Better World Shopper when making my purchases.

So where is my green line? I encourage others to do the same but not in a militant way. If they want to eat meat or consume diary, I encourage them to source it locally and for goodness sake, don't eat at McDonalds, etc. I suggest that maybe they could layer clothes and turn the heat down some in winter (saves energy and money).

This chapter goes on to encourage leaders to consider where their green line is and if it can be moved to reach a younger generation of people that are concerned about the environment. I love these words:

Please understand these people have not been brainwashed by environmental "whackos." Their beliefs about creation care have been shaped by a journey of spiritual formation as an extension of biblical discipleship. They can't conceive of an authentic and growing relationship with Jesus that doesn't somehow express itself with a concern for the environment....an increasing number of them won't want to work for your organization or give to your ministry or volunteer for your projects if your green line is too far way from theirs. (12)

This is me. I never thought this would be me; but it's me. And I wonder how the Global Initiative office has responded to it. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

There is a difference between a method and a value. If moving your green line is a method to attract a new group of people to your organization instead of a value that is being expressed in your organizational culture, your lack of authenticity will be obvious and you maybe going backward instead of forward as it relates to building trust with the very people you want to attract. (12)

I hope to be pleasantly surprised at the green line at Global Initiative, but if things don't meet my green line, I hope I can help out.

ONE WORD 365 // Book 2, Week 2

2012-01-30T19:37:00.000-08:00

The second book in my quest to read one book per week in 2012 was...

Erasing Hell: What God said about eternity, and the things we made up
By Francis Chan and Preston Sprinkle
Colorado Springs: David C. Cook, 2011

Confession: I downloaded Rob Bell's Love Wins the day that it came out and started reading it while sitting in missionary associate orientation. I don't remember how it took me to read. Not long. I finished it rather quickly. Now it's been a while since I've read it so any reflection I type here will be rather vague.

I remember agreeing with Bell about seeing the kingdom of heaven here and now. But things feel apart for me after that -- that hell is here now as well (don't quiz me on his exact position; I'd need to go back and read through it again).

I liked what Chan had to say in Erasing Hell and tracked with him through his process. I think I understood the overall gist of Bell in Love Wins and agreed with some. I also really liked the footnotes in Chan's book; they dug in a little deeper.

I marked a few things (via the Kindle app*) as I read along:

1) "Don't get so lost in deciphering that you forget to tremble." (Page 87)

Creator God invented justice and knows what everyone deserves. And he didn't leave it to me or you or any human to figure out. "He has only asked us to embrace His Word and bow the knee, to tremble at His Word..." (Pages 86-87) This reminds me that we can have these conversations and we can talk about these questions but don't lose sight of God or stop trembling before the One who knows.

2) "Could it be that his [Paul's] drive to reach the lost was directly related to his willingness to ponder their fate if he didn't reach them at all? It sure appears so." (Page 98)

Chan here is talking about Paul's efforts to reach unbelievers and wonders, "Would Paul be so motivated if he didn't also believe that there would be punishment for those who didn't believe?" This sounds like a "if it's good enough for Paul, it should be good for me" theory.

3) "Maybe we don't want to admit that we believe in a God who is so free to do whatever He wants." (Page 128)

And then...

4) "...The more important question is not whether or not you want to, but could you believe these things, if in fact God says they are true?" (Page 130)

These two books (Chan & Bell) cover (or uncover as the case may be) some unpopular and/or difficult-to-swallow topics. But I like where Chan takes this discussion. Ultimately, can we know the answer? I don't think we can be fully certain, though we might have a glimpse of the answer. One phrase I took from seminary is "don't paint yourself in a corner." Don't cling so tightly to your theory that you don't leave room for any other option or God. Chan's point here is: Will you leave room for the idea that God just might show his wrath and judgment in a way that seems unfair to us? Can you still believe in a God like that?

My answer was, "Yes. I could believe in a God like that."And then I continue with: "Now let's work for God's kingdom to come here on earth now."

Have you read both Chan's and Bell's book? One or the other? Thoughts?

*Page numbers above from the Kindle app

ONE WORD 365 // Week 1, Book 1

2012-01-23T13:37:00.000-08:00

Ok, I'm finally getting around to writing down my thoughts about the first book in my quest to read one book per week in 2012.

Parade of Faiths: Immigration and American Religion
by Jenna Weissman Joselit
New York: Oxford University Press, 2001

I found this book at Brattle Book Shop while in Boston for New Year's. It was too cold to scour through all the books outside -- and too close to closing time. I'll need a return visit for that.

It was a quick read; I started and finished it on the plane rides home to Nashville.

The book has a simple outline and premise -- how immigrants and their faiths arrived and planted themselves in America. It devotes full chapters to Protestant, Catholic and Jewish immigration and lumps all remaining religions in one chapter. The first three chapters were good and gave good insight into the Judeo-Christian background of much of America. I was most interested in the more recent immigration experiences of the Chinese and Japanese, the Hindus, Buddhists and Muslims, but all of that information was crammed into the last chapter.

This book is a basic starting point for anyone researching faith and immigration in America. The stories are interesting, though pretty basic and taken from other historic accounts. I would recommend this book to anyone interested in studying faith in America and immigration as a starting point. It won't take long to read and I'll loan you my copy if you're interested.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // Hospitality

2012-01-22T18:30:00.000-08:00

Last week I had the honor of teaching the ladies of The Church At Indian Lake during the Wednesday night service. I thought I would post my musings here for those who didn't hear it, including the men who had a separate teaching.

*****

I had been thinking about hospitality and what it means to show hospitality. I was inspired by a friend's entry in the Live Dead Journal. Here's an excerpt from Day 23, "Hospitality: Our Faith in Action":

There is a knock at my door and my heart sinks. I anticipate who stands on other side. It is a neighbor who knows that I am home. She loves to spend time together, although the language barrier is so great we can barely communicate. I feel like a prisoner in my own home! She knows I am home, so choosing not to answer my door is to risk offending her.

I go to the door. Suspicions are confirmed and I invite her inside. I smile outwardly and grumble inwardly. At this point I am new on the field and a young mom with two toddlers. I enjoy spending time with this neighbor, but she always seems to knock at the most inconvenient moment--and this day is no exception. I offer her a seat in my living room as I go to the kitchen to prepare something to drink. Alone in my kitchen, I throw my hands in the air and "scream" in a whisper, "I don't even want you to be here!"

Alone in my kitchen? I might as well have spoken those words in front of an audience of thousands. More sobering is that I had just spoken those words in front of Jesus Christ himself. Just months earlier I had stood before churches that sent me overseas for opportunities like this very one--and yet here I was in my kitchen, resentful of the "imposition." God forbid that I ever see a human soul as an imposition..." (Live Dead Journal 2011, 122).

The entry goes on to talk about how hospitality is faith in action, how hospitality is us extending Jesus' heart to others and looking for God's plan in the midst of seemingly inconvenient moments.

I've been doing some reminiscing recently as I prepare to leave my home of 14 years. And thinking about the good times, the difficult times, what I would do the same, what I would do differently. And I've been thinking more about my house and my neighborhood as I sit and wait for a buyer. Putting those two things together, I think, "How have I shown hospitality to those around me?" Answer: Uh, not very well--at least not to my literal neighbors.

But hospitality is about more than just opening my house to my neighbors, though it is that, too. This is about a different attitude and change of heart towards people. It is about fellowship and sharing a meal, but it is also about the relationships made.

One of my classes in grad school looked at hospitality. We used the book Making Room by Christine Pohl. As I read the above entry, I revisited the topic and the book and put some of these thoughts together.

The tradition of hospitality was once the practice of welcoming strangers into one's home with the offer of food, shelter and protection. It covered physical, social and spiritual aspects of life. But more than just meeting needs of a person, hospitality was about recognizing people's worth and our common humanity. It was (and is!) about seeing others in the image of Christ. "Hospitality is central to the meaning of the gospel...a lens through which we can read and understand the gospel, and a practice by which we can welcome Jesus himself" (Pohl 1999, 6). We welcome others as Christ welcomed us.

In the early days of the Church, hospitality was a means for the spread of the gospel; it went above any ethnic or national distinctions in the Church; and it was for the care of the sick, the strangers and the pilgrims. Hospitality was meant to build relationships with family and friends, but also to include those on the outside, to bring them into relationship as well.

Pohl talks about the definition of hospitality, using the Greek word philoxenia. That Greek word combines the general word for love or affection (philo) and the word for strangers (xenos) (31). It literally means "love for strangers" or "stranger love" if you will. So, by definition showing hospitality is showing love to strangers. But aren't all believers considered aliens here on earth and citizens of heaven? We're all strangers here. Showing hospitality is about caring for physical and social needs of family and friends and strangers, and about developing the spiritual dimensions of those relationships, too.

That said, how do we reclaim the art and the practice of hospitality?

There certainly are opportunities for offering hospitality; I don't think anyone would disagree with that. Pohl even thinks that our situation today is much like the situation of the early church:

"We, like the early church, find ourselves in a fragmented and multicultural society that yearns for relationships, identity and meaning. Our mobile and self-oriented society is characterized by disturbing levels of loneliness, alienation and estrangement. In a culture that appears at times to be overtly hostile to life itself, those who reject violence and embrace life bear powerful witness" (33).

This thought by Pohl still makes sense, even 12 years after publishing. People are hungry for relationships and to be known. Maybe they feel connected through social media (Facebook, Twitter), but are people really connected in those virtual worlds?

I can feel like I know complete strangers based on our interaction on Twitter--but I don't really know them. And then there are the widows and orphans, the homeless and destitute among us. How do we reach out and connect to them? It will require doing more and opening ourselves up more.

It was probably easier in the "olden days"--when the community took on all the physical, social and spiritual needs of the family, acquaintances, strangers and foreigners within it. Consider Israel of the Old Testament or the early Church of the New Testament--meeting the needs of those who lived among the community. Nowadays we have others to do that for us. We have hospitals for the sick, orphanages for the orphans, shelters for the homeless, retirement communities for the elderly and so on (57). It doesn't take much for us to show hospitality as we deliver canned goods to the food bank, coats to the shelters, make dinners for the sick, etc. We have specialists to do the day-to-day with those people. Giving to those institutions is good, but something more is required for true hospitality.

We also have to overcome our own American mindset. We like our privacy; we like to retreat into our homes after a long day at work or at school or just being out in the community. "A man's home is his castle." But oftentimes I think we make those castles into fortresses; we shut the outside world out. "No one's getting in here right now. I need to my space." [Raising my hand] I'm guilty of this. I could easily be a hermit; just shut myself up in my house for days at a time. This is not the best behavior for showing hospitality.

Where do we start? I think of my friend above. What needed to happen in her? I think of my hermit self. What must happen in me? It's about a change of heart, a new perspective on people.

Pohl notes that hospitality begins in worship. Hospitality is about God's grace and generosity, and not about my duty or responsibility. This is a response of love and gratitude for God's love for me (172). "Our hospitality both reflects and participates in God's hospitality. It depends on a disposition of love because, fundamentally, hospitality is simply love in action. It has much more to do with the resources of a generous heart than with sufficiency of food or space."

This is about giving our full attention to people--to all the strangers in our lives. Whether they come over to your house at your invitation or just show up at your door unannounced. How do you welcome them? How much interest do you show them? What kind of time do you give them? All of this communicates how much they are valued (179).

Do we show hospitality at home--to our family? In our neighborhood? At work? At church? At school? At the grocery store? Where is hospitality happening? And what is our response when we encounter those moments in which we should show hospitality?

Hospitality can happen anywhere. We need to make sure our hearts are ready to give it. We need to make a place for hospitality, not just in our homes but in our lives and in our hearts.

In Matthew 25 Jesus gives an illustration of the judgment. In addition to offering food, drink, clothing and visits, he says, "I was a stranger and you welcomed me" (v. 35). This could very well be about welcoming Jesus into a physical place, but could it not also mean welcoming Jesus into a relationship? That's what we are talking about here. Hospitality is about sharing meals and offering a roof to sleep under. But it's also about relationships, about welcoming people into our lives, not just into our homes. And if Jesus said, "As you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me," then are we welcoming people into our lives?

Hospitality is about relationships. It's not about entertainment. Though if you want to invite me over for a game of Apples To Apples, I will gladly come. It's not just about hosting a dinner. Though if you want to have me over for dinner, it needs to be vegan (a meatless chili will do just fine). Hospitality is about putting primary attention on the person. Hospitality is about welcoming people INTO your life. Hospitality is about relationships. Hospitality is about loving others with the love that God has shown us. God has shown us great love and generosity; we should do the same.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // One Word for 2012

2012-01-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

I participated in One Word for 2011 last year. My one word was: SEE. Still processing how I did with that one.

But I am ready with my One Word for 2012: READ.

I took 2011 off from reading. After over three years in grad school with much required reading and research, I found it hard to crack many books last year. I think I've come around now and I'm ready to dive back into books. Plus, I bought a bunch of books last year that I just couldn't bring myself to read so I have to catch up.

Alongside that, I want to process my thoughts on the books I read here on the ol' Learning blog. I'm gonna dust off some books and dust off the blog and go for it.

The general goal is to do one book per week. Though once my house sells and I get ready to move, things might get hectic and I'm already prepared to be behind. Still, I shall give it my best to do one book per week and at least one blog entry per book. The blog entry might be a general review of the book or it might something more personal about what I'm reading. Depends on the book, I think. Because this is a hodgepodge list of books: some classics, some work-oriented, some pop fiction, etc.

Here are the books on my list so far. Some are new to me; some I have started and never finished so I'm going to start them over and try again. Some are real books with paper covers and pages; some are e-books on my Kindle and iBooks apps.

In no particular order....

*1) Parade of Faiths: Immigration and American Faiths by Jenna Weissman Joselit -- Week 1 DONE
2) Just Kids by Patti Smith
3) The Pacific and Other Stories by Mark Helprin
4) The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
5) Night by Elie Wiesel
6) In Allah They Trust by Kamran Karimi
7) The Sabbath by Abraham Joshua Heschel
8) Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott
9) The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
*10) Erasing Hell by Francis Chan and Preston Sprinkle -- Week 2 DONE
11) From the Roots Up by Joann Butrin
12) Unchristian by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons
13) The Wagon and Other Stories from the City by Martin Preib
14) Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
15) The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
16) After the Leaves Fall by Nicole Baart
*17) The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins -- Week 4 DONE
18) Bossypants by Tina Fey
19) Love in a Headscarf by Shelina Zahra Janmohamed
*20) While You Were Micro-Sleeping by Steve Moore -- Week 3 DONE
21) Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis by Lauren Winner -- Week 7 READING
22) Steering by Starlight by Martha Beck
*23) Fordlandia: The Rise and Fall of Henry Ford's Forgotten Jungle City by Greg Grandin -- Weeks 5 & 6 DONE
24) The Iron Lady by John Campbell
25) The Sojourn by Andrew Krivak
26) Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen
27) Rules of Civility by Amor Towles
28) World War Z by Max Brooks
29) Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh
30) Chasing Fire by Suzanne Collins -- Week 7 DONE
31) Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins -- Week 7 READING

And that's the start. I'll add to this list as I go along.

There will also be numerous cookbooks or food writing books consulted throughout the year including:

1) Vegan Planet by Robin Robertson
2) The Happy Herbivore by Lindsay Nixon
3) Skinny Bitch in the Kitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin
4) Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero
5) The Conscious Kitchen by Alexandra Zissu

Check out other's One Words here: One Word 365.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // Hello, Blog! How've You Been?

2012-01-09T19:30:00.000-08:00

OK, it has been almost a year since I last posted here. How sad. I guess I've been busy elsewhere online. But I'm back.

My New Year's resolution and/or 2012 goal, whatever you want to call it, will be tied to this blog so I know that I will need to check in and write here. It'll be good for me. And hopeful fun and/or insightful to for you.

Here we go...

A REVIEW // Matthew Barnett, The Cause Within You

2011-01-23T20:16:00.000-08:00

Matthew Barnett is the co-founder of The Dream Center (with his father Pastor Tommy Barnett) and senior pastor of the Angelus Temple in L.A., and in the opening of The Cause Within You, he talks about the night he spent on Skid Row in downtown L.A. (quite a dangerous idea) to celebrate their 15th anniversary as the Dream Center.

In the 15 years of the Dream Center, Barnett had worked with and spent time with people facing hardship and suffering but he had never slept on their streets. In lieu of a celebratory banquet with staff and volunteers, touting their own success, Barnett felt God leading him to do something different, radical and uncomfortable, much like what he felt when he started in the Echo Park area of L.A. as a young 20-year-old brand new pastor. So he did it. He spent the night on Skid Row. And he came away realizing that the more dangerous place to be for a Christian, more dangerous than Skid Row, would be the return to a "routine life not fully aligned with God's cause" (p. 25).

His experiences inspired this book, The Cause Within You. It's a collection of stories from Barnett's personal experience as well as the personal stories of people from the Dream Center and Angelus Temple. [Disclosure: I've attended Angelus Temple while in L.A. and was given an advance copy of the book by a staff member for review. I am also acquainted with two of the women whose stories are included in the book.] The various personal stories are both interesting and inspiring, and they make for a quick and easy read, and illustrate Barnett's challenge well.

His challenge to himself and to his readers is to find the cause (or vision, dream, purpose, reason for being) that God has placed in each person's heart. But even more than just finding one's cause or purpose, he aims to have readers focus on their personal relationships with God in order to discover how waiting on God and having the right attitude will fuel the fire of their cause. Otherwise, what he believes often happens is that a person will redefine their cause to their own comfort level, rather than the full radical and passionate purpose God places within them.

He breaks the idea down into smaller bites: 1) discovering the cause, 2) waiting on God's timing, 3) having the right attitude, 4) starting to serve, even by small steps, 5) finding partners and 6) knowing when to quit. He includes inspirational bullet points at the ends of chapters of what he has learned, something a reader can pick up quickly for a reminder.

Barnett closes the book with the thought that one's God-given cause is the cause of Christ and to live out one's life to this cause goes well beyond personal achievement or success on earth and is part of something far more magnificent than anyone could imagine, with eternal significance. That's the bottom line and that's where Barnett leaves it.

*****
Confession: I usually read headier books on missiology or theology (maybe I'm a dorky bookworm, or maybe that's my God-given purpose). The Cause Within Me is more along the lines of popular reading for the Church. Absolutely nothing wrong with that; there just aren't many of those books on my bookshelves these days. Still, I found this book encouraging me and challenging me as I walk toward a new venture in my life this year. It reminded that I need to regroup with God and allow him to clarify and define my vision for this next stage of life.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // One Word 2011

2011-01-09T18:28:00.000-08:00

Through my friend Grant [website] and the power of Twitter, I heard about a concept for the New Year: to pick one word to challenge and inspire you, one word to focus on. As a wordsmith and lover of things lexical, I thought I would take the challenge.

My one word: See

I've been thinking about this for a few days now because "see" seemed too simple, not deep enough or fancy enough for a writer. But I really couldn't get away from it.

I just recently finished grad school. I spent three years working and studying full-time, longs hours at my computer and in the books. Now that I'm done, I have a lot of free time and I've been trying to figure out how to fill it. With missions work in my future and a master's in cross-cultural studies hanging on my wall, I feel led to SEE what is out there in my community, to find a place to serve people from other cultures, to apply what I spent $32K in studying. I feel led to SEE who is living in Nashville now and how I can get involved until the time comes that I move on from this fair city.

I also find myself living in a virtual world. I could easily be a hermit. I SEE much of the world through my laptop, Droid and now an iPad. It's easy to talk to friends and family without actually using my vocal cords or having actual physical contact. But I'm feeling convicted about that. Last year I started sending out more cards, notes and treats so that communication in my life wouldn't solely be in a virtual world. But now that I'm armed with knowledge and more defined call to missions, I need to SEE the world and its people around me. I need to reach out to them, talk to them and engage them.

So, SEE, that's my one word for 2011. To look outside my magic boxes of technology. To look outside the four walls of my house. And SEE what is going on in the world and how I can use my God-given gifts to his glory.

LIFE IN MICHIGAN // Days in Cape Town

2010-10-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

My brother-in-law is in Cape Town, South Africa, attending the Lausanne 3 conference this week. [What is Lausanne? Click here.] He and some friends are hosting a blog and podcast while there. [You can read and listen here.]

In today's podcast, Dr. DeLonn Rance made the following comment in response to the ongoing discussion of proclamation vs. social justice:

"The greatest act of social compassion is to plant a local church. Because if you plant a local church, that church understands what that community needs. They know where the literacy problems, work problems and feeding problems are. [The local church knows] what the issues really are and can respond in a direct and immediate way that communicates the love of Christ."

Of course, then it becomes a matter of getting the pastors and leaders of the local church to understand the need to reach out to the community to discover and respond to those needs......

LIFE IN...WHEREVER I AM THIS WEEK // Taking it too far?

2010-10-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

I got an e-mail during work today; a press release from the Christian NewsWire service. This can be one of my favorite things as someone undoubtedly says something that fires me up every week.

The release is a response to a comment that First Lady Michelle Obama made on the "Tom Joyner Morning Show." She was talking about the prayer circles and people that pray for her and the President, etc., and how those people are "keeping the spirits clean" around them.

The release quickly jumps to a conclusion that questions whether the First Lady is into some brand of animism. [Read the release in its entirety here] What? Really?

Here's her clip from the show: [The Tom Joyner Morning Show w/ Michelle Obama] It's around the 6:30 mark.

How can you immediately suspect that the First Lady is into animism? And how many people actually know what that means in America? I do but I studied it in seminary.

Could she just be referring to the good kinds of spirits (the Holy Spirit, angels, God's messengers) around them? That prayer is keeping the evil spirits at bay? That the prayers of believers are keeping the clean spirits at work around them? Why do you people have to be so suspect and divisive and stir up trouble?

LIFE IN MICHIGAN // 5K Run/Walk in Support of Dearborn Assembly

2010-10-04T08:31:00.001-07:00

Some folks from my church here in Dearborn (Dearborn Assembly) are walking in the 5K Run/Walk portion of the Detroit Marathon on Sunday, October 17. Since I've just recently arrived and found out about this, I'm jumping in last minute.

Our church is part of the Marathon Mission Team, which is a non-profit community and faith-based umbrella whose participants raise financial support for a Marathon Mission charity of their choice. Ours happens to be Dearborn Assembly (obviously), a church plant in downtown Dearborn that is currently raising money for its building renovation of Harry Miller Flowers into its own church building. It's both an exciting time for the church to have a place of its own but a stressful time in that it needs to take occupancy of the new location by December 31.

Would you consider supporting our endeavor? One-hundred percent of your gift will go to the church and is tax-deductible. Checks can be made payable to Dearborn Assembly. You can send them to my attention and I will deliver them to the church. I wish we had an online fundraising page but alas, the way fundraising is set up through the marathon website did not allow for specific donations to the church.

Let me know if you would like to contribute and I will send you a mailing address. Thank you!

LIFE IN MICHIGAN // Initial Thoughts

2010-09-28T14:34:00.000-07:00

When I lived in L.A., I didn’t feel that far from home because Nashville is a little L.A. in some ways, what with the entertainment and music industry. So living in L.A. was like a warmer, bigger, more ethnically diverse Nashville (this a loose comparison).

But Dearborn feels more real, normal, honest, everyday. It actually fits the blue collar, industrial stereotype that I’d associate with Detroit. And it freaks me out a little bit because it’s unlike the life that I’ve become accustomed to, dealing with entertainment, artsy-type people.

Not that my personal life is all that opulent but I feel a little more white collar professional than the community I’m now living in. (Which is still kind of funny because I own a home in Old Hickory, surrounding by a few of Nashville’s greatest rednecks.)

And in 10 days, I’ll fly to Chicago to watch my friends’ kids while they go to Spain. I will make good money while staying in a big house with keys to a luxury car in my pocket. And that will feel more normal than this does (probably in part because they are like family and I’ve done it before).

I experienced some culture shock on my first day, last Saturday, as I drove to my supervisors’ house for a visit before a community outreach hayride. I knew coming into this that Dearborn has the highest concentration of Arab Americans in the country, and that quickly became real to me as I drove through Dearborn and saw mosques, storefronts with English and Arabic writing, and veiled women (women wearing head coverings/scarves). Seeing the people and the mosques made it most real. But I’ll be honest, seeing all the authentic mid-East restaurants made my stomach real happy. I’m really glad that I finished the book Miniskirts, Mothers & Muslims before I arrived. It helped me understand the veiling of women and gives me a whole new level of respect for the meaning behind it.

Mostly I’ve spent time exploring Dearborn, finding the coffee shops with wifi and the nearest Target and Costco. I’ve gotten to spend a little time with folks from the church but haven’t gotten much beyond basic introductions. Mostly I’ve just started to collect research for my ethnography that I have to write on the city. No time like the present to start researching!

Tonight I’m going on a tour of mosque and out for Yemeni food for dinner with a couple people from church and a missionary visiting from Morocco. I fully expect to have more to say after that experience.

All of this to say, I’m adjusting slowly, learning my way around town just fine and hoping to find all the best information for my paper. I feel good about this project and hope to share about the church and its vision soon.

A REVIEW, SORT OF // Eminem, "Love The Way You Lie" ft. Rihanna

2010-08-30T18:44:00.000-07:00

Warning: Video contains obscenities...

I first heard this song on the radio. And if you listen to even the smallest amount of pop radio, chances are you've also heard it.

Naturally at first the hooky chorus by Rihanna got stuck in my head. You hear it once and you start humming it.

Then you notice the words: Just gonna stand there and watch me burn / But that's alright because I like the way it hurts / Just gonna stand there and hear me cry / But that's alright because I love the way you lie / I love the way you lie.

When I considered the words, I thought, "What in the world is he talking about?" I tuned in to the rest of it and thought, "Oh, got it! This is a bad, bad relationship. He's talking domestic violence." Not real difficult to catch on to that, once you listen to more than the hooky chorus.

And I have to admit as I listened to it, I really liked it. Not the idea of domestic violence, mind you. But I liked the bravery and skill with which he wrote about this issue. I get the feeling that this is a two-way issue; infatuation and regret on both sides keep this couple locked in a relationship stuck in a vicious cycle.

I in no way condone a man or a woman to stay in an abusive relationship and I hope to God that Eminem doesn't either but I think he paints a very passionate scene about what people feel in these types of situations and just how difficult it can be to get out of it when one feels the emotion of love (even if it's a false emotion). Oftentimes, people on the outside who haven't experienced such a mixed-up relationship of crazy emotions probably think it should be easy as 1-2-3 to snap out of such blind love and escape the abuse. But for those on the inside, like Eminem portrays here, it just might not be that easy.

As I thought about writing about this, I looked up the video. If you watch it above, I apologize for the language, etc. The video showed the scene in a harsh, passionate, painful, dark way but in the video both the man and the woman are the abusers, and together they burn the metaphorical house down. It doesn't fingerpoint at one or the other. You see the scenes play out between the two of them: the love and the alcohol-induced fights. Both people are players in the game and it makes me stop and think about how twisted reality becomes to both and how difficult it can be to extricate oneself.

It's not a situation I would ever want to be in, nor would I wish it upon anyone, but I think it gives us a visual of how tough it can be to escape our emotions and see clearly what's going on around us and what is unhealthy and unproductive and destructive. It'll make me think twice should I ever encounter a situation of domestic violence.

I'm not sure what my thoughts were about Eminem prior to this but for these four minutes at least, I'm a fan.

LIFE IN MICHIGAN // Moving to Dearborn

2010-08-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

Four weeks from today I'll pack my clothes and my cats into the Jetta and head to Michigan for two months. The cats are going to live with Grandma and Grandpa in Grand Rapids while I work on my practicum on the other side of the state in Dearborn.

Dearborn, Mich., is the home of Ford Motor Company and the second largest concentration of Arab Americans in the country (according to the 2000 Census). The city also has the highest percentage of population that are of Arab ancestry. A city of around 100,000 people, close to 30,000 are Arab Americans; that's 30 percent of the population. By comparison, New York City has the biggest population of Arab Americans but with over 8 million people and about 70,000 Arab Americans, less than one percent of the population is of Arab ancestry (numbers from 2000 Census).

Many of the first Arab Americans that immigrated to the area were Lebanese Christians but over the last couple decades more Arab Americans began to come from Yemen, Iraq and Palestine. These latter groups were more predominantly Muslim. In 1963, Dearborn became the home of the Islamic Center of America, the largest mosque in North America.

This is the community that I am going to live and work in. I'll be working with home missionaries Trey and Becky Hancock at Dearborn Assembly. As part of my project, I will do an ethnographic study of the community: learning the culture, language and traditions of the Arab community in Dearborn. I will also do a study of the church through interviews with leaders, lay leaders and members to discover the culture and organization of the church. I will then make suggestions to bridge the cultures by developing various marketing and communications pieces.

In a conversation with Becky, she mentioned that there are only two evangelical churches in Dearborn and that their call is to bring the church back to Dearborn. So I will look to help create some pieces for the church to send to supporters to share the story of the church and the community and their needs and to mobilize believers to reach out to the unreached people groups within our own borders, in some of our most popular and populated U.S. cities.

Pray for me! I'm jumping into a new city and new culture with a huge project on my plate. I believe this project could become a model for my future and I hope this initial trial run will shed some light on that.

A REVIEW, SORT OF // Jars of Clay, "Shelter"

2010-08-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

I was driving home tonight and the new Jars of Clay album came on the CD changer in my car. When it hit track No. 5 (I think), I hit repeat at least twice, maybe three times. It was the title track of the new record, "Shelter."

I kept hitting repeat because it is the exact song that I needed to hear, the exact song that fit this next blog entry that I've finally reached.

*****

"Shelter"

To all who are looking down
Holding on to hearts still wounding
For those who've yet to find it
The place is near where love is moving
Cast off the robes you're wearing
Set aside the names that you've been given
May this place of rest in the fold of your journey
Bind you to hope
You will never walk alone

In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(Never walk alone)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(Your arms are all around us)

If our hearts are turned to stone
There is hope we know the rocks will cry out
And the tears aren't ours alone
Let them fall into the hands that hold us
Come away from where you're hiding
Set aside the lies that you've been living
May this place of rest in the fold of your journey
Bind you to hope
We will never walk alone

In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(In the shelter)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(You will never walk alone)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(In Your arms are all around us)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live
(In Your arms are all around us)

If there is any peace
If there is any war
We must all believe
Our lives are not our own
We all belong
God has given us each other
And we will never walk alone

*****

It's really quite a beautiful song. But there are some lines that specifically capture what I've been feeling as of late....

To all who are looking down / Holding on to hearts still wounding ... May this place of rest in the fold of your journey / Bind you to hope / We will never walk alone

My heart has been wounded at a few turns this past year and I feel like I've been holding onto my heart, hoping that it would just heal itself given time. But I gave it a year or so and the heart still hurts. Maybe because I wasn't specifically attentive to its healing. I was hoping it would heal itself while I worked on other things: my job and school, etc. Yeah, that didn't work out so well. Seems I could have used some outside help in the process.

As I've come back to life and engaged with the world around me, beyond the four walls of my house and my Internet connection to the world, I've discovered that in fact, the heart can heal quicker when you share your heart with others. There is hope and discovery and encouragement and peace from doing life with others. "We will never walk alone..."

In the shelter of each other / We will live / We will live

I think I was afraid to share my story or thoughts that I had because I felt the irrational fear that my friends wouldn't understand. Seriously, why would I think that? I have amazing friends and family. And I KNEW that many of them had been in similar situations. Yet, I didn't seek that shelter. With God under the blood of Jesus is shelter and I can share with my friends and family under that shelter. And not only share with them but reside there, live there, go about daily there. It's not about hiding away in some shelter, like a hermit's cabin in the woods away from all interaction with civilization. It's a shelter within the world we live in. And I have discovered this shelter among family and friends in the past month. Once I resolved to deal with my worries and anxieties of the past year, sharing with those in my circle of trust, I have found life, I have found a freedom, I have found a more carefree existence, a shelter.

And the tears aren't ours alone / Let them fall into the hands that hold us / Come away from where you're hiding / Set aside the lies that you've been living

I do not need to hold my tears of the past year alone. I believe that just as God knows the number of hairs on my head (including the gray ones), he knows the number of tears that fall. And I think the line of this song captures this image so perfectly. He knows the number of tears that fall because they fall in his hands, which also hold me. I'm not alone in that God is always near; I'm not alone in that I have a wonderful community and support system. I've never denied the existence of any of them; I just haven't utilized them as I should have.

And then there's the lovely call to "come away from where you're hiding"...something I've been working on for a month or more this summer. To come out of hiding and let myself be known. It's been a process but a process that has made me feel more alive and more a part of the world around me. I'm no longer just in my own little world.

We must all believe / Our lives are not our own / We all belong / God has given us each other / And we will never walk alone

This part, the bridge of the song, was the part that made me hit repeat the first time. "Our lives are not our own." I feel like up until recently I had fallen into a routine where life was what it was and it was work and school, school and work. While those were necessary things to focus on, I didn't give much thought beyond those. It was, I need to do these things to make things happen in MY life. I know it was a phase, that I needed to focus on work and school full-time to get to this next phase of life. But I was very much a hermit about it. I didn't want to see people; I didn't want to make time; and I didn't want to take the chance that someone would ask me the tough questions I didn't want to answer.

But you know what? "Our lives are not our own." No man is an island.

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if promontory [a bluff, headland] were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." (John Donne, Meditation XVII).

What affects me affects my family and friends, and vice versa. When my life is somehow diminished, even by my own action or lack of action, those around me are diminished. Sounds kinda selfish, yeah? We are not separate individuals interacting with others on some level; we are like a body, parts working together to live a full, complete life. When I hold back, I don't just hold back from myself; I hold back from others. And together none of us reach our full potential. "We all belong." We are all meant to be together, to live together, in this shelter, under the grace and mercy of God, to not walk alone. "God has given us each other."

This is the entry I wanted to write about the importance of community and somehow this song found its way to my ears. I searched for my new identity and place in Nashville; I found that I couldn't do it by myself because I belong to others. I needed input from those around me because my life is not my own; it fits into a specific place and belongs to others as much as to me. Before, I was floundering around, wondering where I fit. Likely it was because I wasn't seeking a shelter among others, I wasn't living among them. You can't hide and truly be known at the same time.

I now realize that I need community. I need community for healing and I need community for growing. I know it now like I've never known it before. To have my family and friends ready and available to listen, to share, to sympathize, to empathize, to love me in spite of me and my oftentimes icy, sarcastic, cynical self is a gift beyond measure. I could not have returned to life or returned to my community without my actual community being there. But I will say, they may still find themselves needing to be patient with me as I'm still cautious with my heart.

Moral of the story: Don't be a hero and try to do it yourself. You weren't meant to walk alone.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // Talking about it

2010-08-23T22:12:00.000-07:00

Tonight I hosted a little dinner party for my BFF Beth for her birthday. Granted, her birthday was a couple months ago but we finally found time to fit it in before the summer ended.

And I found that I could finally talk about that hard topic without washing out into a puddle of messy tears.

That topic is my dad.

I'm OK with the gray hair on my head but when it comes to my parents, the aging process is almost too much to handle. And after a year, I'm finally giving myself space to feel clarity and peace with my dad's stroke.

One year ago, August 10, we took him to the ER. Five days later, after a myriad of scans and tests, he went home with the diagnosis of having suffered a minor stroke. He's come a long way in the past year, recovering memory and ability to communicate thoughts. He's regained some of his confidence. And I am thankful to God for that!! But there are still enough differences in his personality and behavior that make me incredibly sad.

And I realized on my most recent trip home at the end of July that this sadness was grief, it was a deep sense of loss that I had not yet processed. I hadn't grieved the sense of loss that I felt in seeing my strong, reliable dad fall victim to a stroke, no matter how minor. Rather than deal with it, I dove into my work and I traveled and kept myself busy. I never took the time to process what this event in our lives meant to us and what it cost us and what it gave us. I just kept pushing it to the bottom of the "to do" list.

As that last trip home came to close, I was ready to get out of there. Because I knew I had to deal with this grief. But I couldn't do it there; the sight of my dad just was too much reality. Don't get me wrong. It's not like Dad is some vegetable with no reaction to the world. In fact, I encountered several moments with the "pre-stroke" Dad that gave me comfort. But it was the times that I faced the "new brain," as we call it, that I wondered if things would ever be as they were or if the new reality of aging parents (and aging selves) was something I just needed to accept. Grieve the loss and accept the new.

So, I came back to Nashville and I started to process - with myself, with my sister, with friends - and I discovered something: talking about it helps! (Another blog about the need for friends and community coming up!) It helps because I'm not the first person to go through this - plenty of my friends have faced the loss of a parent or the sickness of a parent - and it helps because whether friends can empathize or not, they are willing to sympathize and listen and I don't feel so alone. I can sob about it or just get a little misty-eyed and it's OK.

So, as I've processed and talked it out, I've discovered that one thing which upsets me the most is the idea of aging. I'm just not ready for this "taking care of the parents" business. Even though I know that my mom was my age when her mom started making regular hospital/doctor visits. (And it certainly didn't help that in the months following my dad's stroke, I kept finding gray hair on top of my head.) The idea of growing old, especially of my young-at-heart parents growing old, shouldn't be on our minds yet.

The other thing which upsets me is that anyone I introduce to my dad now won't know the old dad in his entirety. We have moments with him now but it's not all the time and that's hard. Because you never know which dad, or which brain, you're gonna get. New or old. That old brain was a wonder. Dad has always been the quiet one, observing and listening. When he spoke, you listened because you knew his words were carefully chosen. Loyal as the day is long. Gentle but firm spirit when it came to discipline. “Measure twice, cut once” showed his thoroughness; his brain worked in a very linear fashion, with a tendency toward perfectionism. And a sneaky sense of humor, that if you hung around long enough, you’d see it often.

People tell me, like Beth did tonight, that given time, it could all come back. I pray that's so. Cuz I miss that dad. That's what brings tears to my eyes; I miss him. But even if it doesn't, I know life, as it does in many cases, will take on this new normal, and that'll be OK, too. And like I said in my previous blog entry [Here] the same power that conquered the grave lives in me and in my dad, and while things might feel less than whole and less than perfect in both me and him, by God's truth, they are not. And it's there that a smile takes over my face.

The tears still come from time to time, but I find they are shorter in duration now and less frequent. And I'll keep talking about it with friends and family because I've discovered that really helps. And hopefully for next time, I'll remember not to run and hide but to face it and deal with it.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // The blog entry that might never be ends here

2010-08-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

So I'm into Day 2 working on a particularly difficult story to post here. I'm still debating how much to post. I'm also wondering how much of what I'm writing about is just for me to process this difficult part of my life.

So, as I continue to wrestle with it, let me show you were it's going, a conclusion of sorts....

*****

"You Are Here" by Dave George and Grant Pankratz

There is a love that I know
A strength for the weak and the broken heart
My Shepherd and King
I find You within me
For you are here
My Lord forever
You are here

You carried the cross for the world
Gathered the lost and the fatherless
My Shepherd and King
I find You within me
For You are here
My Lord forever
You are here

In this place, you are here
By Your mercy, I draw near
In my heart, take your place
You are here

Your word is the light of the earth
Your glory resounds in the universe
My Shepherd and King
I find You within me
For You are here
My Lord forever
You are here

The same power that conquered the grave
Lives in me, Lives in me
Your love that rescued the earth
Lives in me, lives in me

The bridge of this song has been used in various worship song arrangements and it was the bridge that impacted me in Fall 2008.

On September 12, 2008, a Metrolink train in Los Angeles collided with a freight train. Maybe you remember hearing about it. [L.A. Times coverage here] I remember where I was that night. I was sitting at an IHOP in Hollywood eating dinner with my friend Lara before we went to the El Rey Theatre to hear Brooke Fraser play.

I found out the next morning that a friend of mine from church, Racheal, was not only on that train but in the first car that was most damaged. [A story on her is here] She spent two months in ICU in a coma and when she woke up there was a long road to recovery ahead of her.

One of those days early on after the crash, I remember praying for Racheal when this song (or at least the abbreviated bridge version) came on: The same power that conquered the grave lives in me. Your love that rescued the earth lives in me. I was overwhelmed by the power of those statements. And then I was even more overwhelmed by the actual truth of those statements. It was a time when I didn't really know how to pray and I found myself just repeating these lines over and over, believing that the same power that conquered the grave, that overcame death, that gave life where there was no life, lived not only in me, but in Racheal, someone who really needed God's healing, who we really wanted to see come back from the edge of death.

Which brings me to today. We sang this song at church tonight and I was reminded of Racheal and what I felt when I first heard this song. I thought about my own current wrestling with my dad's recovery from his stroke last year. I thought about my friend Amber who is sitting by her dad's bedside as he reaches the end. I thought about my friends Lindsey & Jeremy, Amanda and Kathy who are sitting in the critical care unit with their father and husband. All of us are at different stages in the battle or recovery but the statement remains true: The same power that conquered the grave lives in me, and in my dad, in Racheal, in Mr. Jim and the Crawfords, in Amber and her family.

And for all the sadness or dismay, for any pity party we might want to throw ourselves, we need to remember and rejoice that the same power that conquered death, disease, fear, loneliness, anxiety, etc., lives inside of us. That very same power of God that brought instant life to the body that was really dead actually and truly lives inside us. It heals and it brings life. It is a power that I cannot begin to comprehend; it is a power that I'm pretty sure I could never harness. And yet, it lives in me; it operates in me; it's available to me. And it's available to my dad and my friends' dads for healing in all the various forms in which it comes.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // Still working on today's blog

2010-08-17T21:11:00.001-07:00

I've been working on today's blog: about life with my dad post-stroke.

It's proving as hard to write as I imagined it would.

This one will take two days.

I need to sleep on it....

A REVIEW, SORT OF // You'll Come

2010-08-15T20:37:00.000-07:00

"You'll Come" by Brooke Fraser

I have decided, I have resolved
To wait upon you Lord
My rock and redeemer, shield and reward
I'll wait upon you Lord

As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears

You'll come
Let your glory fall
As you respond to us
Spirit rain,
Flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come
You'll come

We are not shaken, we are not moved
We wait upon you Lord
Mighty deliverer, triumph and truth
We wait upon you Lord

As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
As certain as the word endures

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

*****

FIRST, SOME BACKGROUND:

I've actually been meaning to share some thoughts on this song for two years now. Good grief. And since we sang this song in church this morning, I figure there's no time like the present.

I first heard this song probably, what, Spring 2008, I guess? It was about the same time I was finishing up my New Testament: Gospels course.

I wrote my final paper for that class on Luke 13:10-17, the story of Jesus healing a woman with a disabling spirit on the Sabbath:

Now he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And there was a woman who had had a disabling spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not fully straighten herself. When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said to her, "Woman, you are freed from your disability." And he laid his hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God. But the ruler of the synagogue, indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, said to the people, "There are six days in which work ought to be done. Come on those days and be healed, and not on the Sabbath day." Then the Lord answered him, "You hypocrites! Does not each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or his donkey from the manger and lead it away to water it? And ought not this woman, a daughter of Abraham whom Satan bound for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath day?" As he said these things, all his adversaries were put to shame, and all the people rejoiced at all the glorious things that were done by him.

In my study of this passage, I found that in Luke keeping the Sabbath meant more than just honoring the fourth commandment and ceasing from all work. Luke uses the word “Sabbath” not as a time indicator to signal the day of rest but as a signal that reveals Jesus as Lord of the Sabbath with power over Satan and the power to proclaim freedom for God’s people and restoration to God’s creation.

I could go into more detail (ask me if you like) but the ruler of the synagogue did not have an issue with the healing of the woman on the Sabbath, but with the minute detail that Jesus used his hands to do the healing. There were two previous Sabbath healings by Jesus in Luke (ch. 4 and 6); neither of which brought a response such as the one in ch. 13. The difference between the three was in ch. 13 Jesus laid his hands on the woman, which to the ruler of the synagogue constituted work on the Sabbath, a no-no.

Which is the point where Jesus (via the author Luke) refers to the woman's bondage to Satan for 18 years. Sabbath is the time for remembrance of Israel’s liberation from slavery. Luke has already revealed that Jesus has the power to overcome Satan (4:31-37). Now “God’s activity” for liberation is present for the woman. By signaling that it is the Sabbath, Luke announces Jesus as Lord of the Sabbath with power over Satan to liberate people from captivity. The laying on of hands, a creative work like God creating of the world, was a matter of doing good over evil, even if on the Sabbath.

Luke uses the terms “free,” “bound,” “loosed,” “bond” and “Satan” (13:12, 16) in conjunction with healing the woman. She was a slave to Satan in such a way that even her physical body was bound. Jesus makes it clear in his pronouncement (v. 16) that on the Sabbath, a day of freedom, she was set free. Jesus overcame the power of Satan over her so that she might experience the freedom and restoration of Sabbath. As Lord of the Sabbath, Jesus rescues Sabbath as the appropriate time for liberation and freedom.

The work of Jesus as Lord of the Sabbath in 13:10-17 reflects the words of the prophet Isaiah that Jesus read in Luke 4:16-21:

And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read. And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written,

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
      because he has anointed me
      to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
      and recovering of sight to the blind,
      to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor."

And he rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on him. And he began to say to them, "Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing."

His anointing to “set at liberty those who are oppressed” is seen in his setting the woman free from disability and straightening her on Sabbath. The “year of the Lord’s favor” refers to the “year of Jubilee” (Lev. 25), which was to be a period of Sabbath for Israel’s land. Jesus proclaiming that the Scripture was “fulfilled” in the people’s hearing would mean that his time now on the earth would be a time of Jubilee.

Sabbath is both about acknowledgment of God's creative and restorative work; it also is about liberty from slavery. Luke shows that Jesus exhibits both of these purposes of Sabbath in healing the woman with the disabling spirit.

*****

SECOND, THE SONG:

It is my belief that there is no greater Sabbath song than "You'll Come." If there is any song that should be sung on the Sabbath, this is it.

The bridge first caught my attention as I thought about Jesus revealed as Lord of the Sabbath in Luke 4 and 13:

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

In Luke we read about Jesus revealed, coming to set the captives free, those bound by Satan. I hear this bridge as a celebratory prayer spoken by worshipers and/or over worshipers about the truth that Jesus has come to restore and set free those bound by Satan. It became even more powerful/meaningful to me as I learned the above about Jesus as Lord of the Sabbath in Luke. The words in this bridge are not meant to be nice Christian words or cool sentiments on Jesus. They should be believed as an actuality. This is why Christ was revealed to us: to break the chains of slavery and bondage, to heal lives, to open eyes. This is what he came to do! I think worshipers should feel overwhelming joy and celebration in these words; Jesus has been revealed for this very real purpose. Why wouldn't you sing these words like an excited prayer?

I like it when the song starts with the bridge. It then feeds into the idea that in fact Jesus will come. As surely as the sun will rise, you'll come to us, certain as the dawn appears. But not only that. He comes in response to us. We sing of "waiting for upon the Lord" and we acknowledge him as rock, redeemer, shield, reward, mighty deliverer, triumph and truth. This "waiting upon the Lord" could be like one would wait tables, in devoted service to a lord. And as we have decided and resolved to not be shaken or moved from our service to the Lord, he comes and responds. In these words we acknowledge him as the authority, as the Lord, of the Sabbath, of the day when the people acknowledged God as their liberator from slavery. And when he responds, when he is revealed, as the Lord of the Sabbath, chains are broken, lives are healed and eyes are opened. We make the proclamation of commitment to Jesus and have the promise that he will come; this song is our commitment vocalized to invite the Holy Spirit to do the work.

I don't know. With such powerful imagery and understanding of Jesus as Lord of the Sabbath, I can't imagine singing this song any other way then full-on celebration and expectation of healing and liberation. I just can't.

A REVIEW, SORT OF // Our Second Birth

2010-08-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

I recently finished reading Our Second Birth by Henri Nouwen. The book is drawn from his year on sabbatical from September 1995 through August 1996. Each chapter features a month's worth of daily (or almost daily) reflections on his year away.

As I was reading it, I was inspired by this passage or that passage or this thought and I wanted to stop and write but I decided to finish it once through and then go back and read it again, stopping to write about a passage as it struck me.

So here we go...the first one:

Saturday, September 2 and Sunday September 3 entries, right at the start of his sabbatical, Nouwen writes thoughts on prayer:

"I am starting this year with the prayer of Charles de Foucauld, the prayer I say every day with much trepidation:

     Father, I abandon myself into your hands.
     Do with me whatever you will.
   Whatever you may do, I thank you.
     I am ready for all, I accept all.
     Let only your will be done in me,
     And in all your creatures.
     Into your hands I commend my spirit.
     I offer it to you with all the love that is in my heart.
     For I love you, Lord, and so want to give myself,
     To surrender myself into your hands,
     Without reserve and with boundless confidence,
     For you are my Father.
                                        Amen. (13-14)

"Prayer is the bridge between my unconscious and conscious life. Prayer connects my mind with my heart, my will with my passions, my brain with my belly. Prayer is the way to let the life-giving Spirit of God penetrate all the corners of my being. Prayer is the divine instrument of my wholeness, unity, and inner peace" (14).

"The truth is that I do not feel much, if anything, when I pray.... Whereas for a long time the Spirit acted so clearly through my flesh, now I feeling nothing. I have lived with the expectation that prayer would become easier as I grow older and closer to death. But the opposite seems to be happening. The words darkness and dryness seem to best describe my prayer today" (15).

He continues wondering if this darkness and dryness in prayer is a result of overactivity but he wonders less about how he got there but what the darkness and dryness are calling him to. "Are the darkness and dryness of my prayer signs of God's absence, or are they signs of a presence deeper and wider than my senses can contain? Is the death of my prayer life the end of my intimacy with God or the beginning of a new communion, beyond words, emotions, and bodily sensations?" (16)

He says that while his prayer might be "dead as a rock" within him, the Spirit's prayer within him is not. It was time to let of his prayer and join the Divine prayer. "For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God" (Romans 8:14-16, ESV). He notes that our spirits join the Spirit of God as we cry out to Abba Father.

*****

I experienced a "mmm-hmm" moment here. There have been many days in the last year that I felt the "dead as a rock" prayer within me. Either "I've got nothing to say to you, God, because you already know it" or "I've got nothing to say to you, God, because I'm afraid of what you'll say back" or "I've got nothing to say to you, God, because you're sovereign and you'll work it out." Prayer that was going nowhere.

None of those words I tossed God's way made any of the connections that Nouwen mentions: mind with heart, will with passions, or brain with belly. Prayer is about connecting and I wasn't doing a good job of it. Maybe it was the stuff on my to-do list and the amount of work that filled my day, the overactivity that he mentions. And maybe it was all the distractions and avoidance I placed in my own path. Whatever it was, it felt like what he described: darkness and dryness.

And I loved what he wrote about the darkness and dryness calling you to something new because even in the times that I've felt the darkness and the dryness in the past year, I never felt like I had been left for dead. I never felt that God gave up on me; I never felt like the Spirit left. I still felt the Spirit's presence deep in me, keeping me. There was something deeper inside me than my own surface choices, keeping me. Where my thoughts and prayers to the Divine ended, the Spirit picked up. I was a child of God, I am a child of God and the Spirit bore witness with that and picked up the prayer.

I admit to sitting down to pray and feeling nothing, blank, no interest, and saying, "God, I got nothing," and immediately feeling that inexplicable stir deep down: the Spirit making a plea. Oh, how grateful I am for the deep down plea, for that unexplained stirring. How grateful I am for the keeping. The prayer of benediction that Aaron gives at the end of each service is running through my head right now as I hear part of it for the first time:

The LORD bless you
     and keep you;
The LORD make his face shine upon you
     and be gracious to you;
The LORD turn his face toward you
     and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)

That first line, the LORD bless you and keep you.... May the Spirit of the Lord keep you.... I look back over the past year and I understand what it means to be kept by God, to be held by the Divine, to learn about a new communion that has less to do with my saying all the right words but my connecting mind, heart, will, passions, brain and belly, united with the Spirit, to engage with Abba Father.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // Underwhelmed & Overwhelmed by the Meteors

2010-08-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

Last night about this time I was situating my hammock in the backyard so I'd be ready to take in the Perseid meteor shower.

From midnight to 2, I laid in my hammock and waited patiently for falling stars. In those two hours I saw six really good ones. Each time I squealed with glee like a little kid, pointed at the part of the sky where they appeared and then I cheered, like it was the 4th of July.

I can imagine I looked pretty silly out there. I was the only person watching. None of my neighbors were out looking for meteors. The dogs that live behind me were all passed out in their yard. It was just me pointing and shouting at the night sky in Old Hickory Village.

But I wasn't alone. Because anytime I look at the night sky and its enormity, I feel God. As if in that terrific expanse of outer space where God is sovereign, he is still as close enough to help a puny little me on the earth. And I think God was there with me, hearing my cheers for the meteors, and maybe he even said, "Thanks!"

There was joy in seeing a few meteors, even though all the predictions told me that I would see more falling stars than I did. I tried not to be too disappointed in only seeing six. I remember being underwhelmed and overwhelmed at seeing Saturn through the giant telescope at Griffith Observatory in L.A. Read my original blog post here: [Seeing Saturn] With the meteors, I had to remind myself that I was still in the city, with extra light pouring into the sky. I might have seen more meteors zipping through the sky but they were drown out by the light and the ones I did see were like gifts. They made me cheer. And I think God was pleased.

A REVIEW, SORT OF // Up in the Air

2010-08-11T20:18:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the movie Up in the Air?

I saw it at New Year's with friends from Fuller as we welcomed the arrival of 2010 in Boston.

That movie slapped me on the wrist and then slapped me across the face. And it was actually a big catalyst in my admitting to myself that I was on the run. That's how long I've been dealing with this...since New Year's!

While I have a better relationship with my family than George Clooney's character Ryan Bingham, I related with a) his ability to efficiently pack a suitcase, b) his ability to navigate airports, security and rental car places and c) his desire to not be at home, to not be known. I felt that I was watching my own life from the previous six months play out on the big screen (not in every way, obviously, but in the overall idea, yes).

Bingham didn't put any roots down. Home was a place to store a few items. He didn't have any significant relationships. He really just survived in his own little frequent flier mile-collecting, city-hopping reality. He gave a motivational speech on the bare essentials that one needed in his or her backpack. He preached a light and mobile existence. An existence that stripped away relationships, so he didn't have to know or be known.

I loved the movie while I was watching it but at the same time I felt so guilty, so convicted! Because as much as I enjoyed watching him travel and do his thing, I knew the point of the movie was that his lifestyle was out of balance. It wasn't healthy. His relationships were shallow or broken and it was just plain sad.

So I left the theater. I left Boston. I got home to Nashville, January 2010, started winter quarter of classes and still felt so convicted. I felt God telling me to stay put for winter quarter. "What?" I asked. "You mean, 10 weeks straight with no traveling, no airports, at home, being around the same set of people." I didn't get an audible answer, a "yes you heard me." But I knew. So I stayed put for winter quarter (minus two quick weekends away with family).

I wonder if it was simply a test to see if a) I would listen and obey or b) I would actually start to work on the relationships that were shallow or broken or missing (you know, the lesson of the movie that so convicted me). If it was a) then I sort of passed. I stayed put, though I bargained for two weekends away for birthdays. If it was b) then I failed miserably because I still made NO effort to connect. I went to church; I met up with friends. But I mostly tucked myself away like a hermit in my house to do my work and school. I hid even though I was in Nashville city limits.

Could I have done better this past winter? Yes. Spring? Sure. Summer? Finally got there. And as I process things and consider the choices I made and start to see where things went awry, I must say that I could have made better decisions, I could have processed more efficiently, if I had shared with family and friends, if I hadn't closed off from others.

Maybe more now than ever before I understand the need for community and relationship. It's not just about fellowship or accountability with "like-minded" people, though it is about those things. It's about connecting with other people and sharing experiences and advice and beliefs and convictions; it's about sharing our lives with one another in what could be a very scary deep way, a very open and honest way. Community and relationship is about being honest about the hurts and the failures and the shortcomings and the joys and the successes.

When you try to carry that all yourself, it slows you down; you can't keep up with the group. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30, ESV). When oxen are yoked together to do the work on the farm or in the field, they share the weight of the load. They can do more work together than alone. I think the same holds true for humans - sharing the burdens and load of life will help us go further. In fact, I'm convinced of it after my experience this past year.

*****
FYI, I read the book afterward and it's nothing like the movie. I actually liked the movie better.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // Hindsight via old blogs is 20/20

2010-08-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

I looked back at a couple old posts to find some inspiration, some encouragement from the Jackie of 2008.

Both posts were from July 5, 2008. [Life Outside Tennessee] and [My Box]

What is interesting about these two posts is that they consider my identity, who I was and who I was becoming: one drew from the past while the other broke with the past. Reading them again, I feel like I did a decent job of expressing what I thought and felt and believed at the time. I can sense confidence in those posts.

And I wonder what happened to that confident, clear-thinking Jackie. Somewhere between July 2008 and July 2010, she become bogged down in the process and faced an identity crisis, a strange relationship, a healthy father falling ill. She allowed herself to be buried under it all rather than deal with it all, process it all, grow with it all, make good choices through it all.

I'm happy to report, though, that I see her poking her head out from underneath that pile now.

The "Life Outside Tennessee" blog reminded me of my love for California, of my reason for being there and of my confidence in being there. I remember knowing that I had to break with my Nashville identity. That things were starting over, my life was starting over. So why when I came back was I not better prepared for that? If by being in California I was breaking from the old, why was I not surprised that I felt identity-less when I returned. It's basic math: 1 - 1 = 0. Zero identity. No wonder I felt lost and unknown. But instead of dealing with it and working to discover and integrate my new identity...I ran and hid! That's real helpful, Jackie. Nice work. Good job.

Identifying your identity takes time and effort. Meeting new people, time and effort. Finding where you fit in, time and effort. And I made NO effort. For some reason, I wasn't ready to do it; I didn't want to do it. Why, I don't know. Selfishness, perhaps. I didn't feel needed. People didn't expect me around. My community didn't feel like my community anymore. Not to shift blame in any way because I admit I could have done A LOT more, could have asked more questions and could have been more engaged, but I didn't feel like anyone worked to bring me back into the story of Nashville. Like we were distant friends and no one (myself included) worked to break the ice. Doesn't help that I'm an independent introvert soul that doesn't ask for help very often or very easily. Thankfully, this week I'm coming back slowly to individuals and telling them all this and reconnecting as best I know how because there's safety in numbers (note to self: there's another blog).

So, I guess I successfully broke with a past identity in Nashville. Problem is, I didn't have things processed enough upon my return. Lesson learned. Which is where the "My Box" blog comes in....

The "My Box" blog reminds me to sift through all my notes and papers and thoughts from classes and experiences so that I can start filing them in the appropriate places in my much larger box, in my new, revised identity. That's what I'm doing now. One thing that struck me while reading this previous blog was:

So this Midwestern-by-way-of-the-South girl knows that God doesn’t want her to get rid of her box, her world, for a bigger West Coast one. It just doesn’t make sense. The West Coast box would certainly cost more. But God is adding some West Coast things to my life, my world, but it's still me. I thought I would have to start over and get a new box for all the California and seminary experience. But really this is all growing with me. It [my box] won’t be too small for all these ideas, visions and perspectives at the end of the journey. I don't have to become an entirely new person. God didn't start over with me; he just took me to a new location.

This is where I am. This is what I need to do. Meld the old with the new. Look around my bigger box and see what's there, see what is making me me these days. What all have I collected on this journey to California and back again. What do I want my life to stand for now. What do I want to do with what God has taught me and given me. It's time to make some assessments and decisions. So I will.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // Elijah ate ravens; where does that leave me?

2010-08-08T21:17:00.000-07:00

Now Elijah the Tishbite, ofTishbein Gilead, said to Ahab, "As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives,before whom I stand, there shall be neither dew nor rain these years, except by my word." And the word of the LORD came to him: "Depart from here and turn eastward and hide yourself by the brook Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. You shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there." So he went and did according to the word of the LORD. He went and lived by the brook Cherith that is east of the Jordan. And the ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning, and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook. And after a while the brook dried up, because there was no rain in the land. (1 Kings 17:1-7)

This was the scripture used in church this morning. Aaron is speaking about provision for a couple weeks. This week was about provision in famine.

[Here I'm combining some of what Aaron said in service and some of what I took in from seminary.] Aaron pointed out that in verse 1 God is challenging another god, Ba'al. Ba'al could refer to various gods like a title "lord" and in some texts it can be a substitute for Hadad who was a god of rain, thunder, fertility and agriculture. Hadad might also be known by other names, depending on your scholarly source. The point being, Elijah gives the LORD's word to Ahab that the rain would stop. The LORD, one true God among many other gods in the land, gave the word that he would stop the rain, the domain of the god Ba'al or Hadad that Ahab worshiped. And then the LORD sends Elijah away to hide by a brook....

Now, Ahab was the king over Israel in Samaria, a no-no in that the LORD was to be worshiped only at the Temple in Jerusalem. Ahab was worshiping this other god, Ba'al, Hadad, a false God, which was pretty much a failure of the book of Deuteronomy. Deuteronomy repeatedly makes the point, "Do not follow any other gods. Do not follow any other gods. Do not follow any other gods." Ahab is in violation of that command of the LORD's. Way to go, Ahab. So here in verse 1 we see the epic set-up for this famine that the LORD is sending to show, once again, that he is the one true God in a land of many, many false gods.

Here Aaron made the point that famine challenges which god or God we trust. To which I make the note, God started the famine. Or did he not? Did he just withhold the rain and their lack of foresight brought the famine? Either way, moving on.... Aaron noted that every story needs a hero and a villain, and oftentimes we blame others for what we've caused ourselves, and when faced with a challenge, what role is God going to play in your life/story?

I'll admit it. Here Aaron started talking about the god of wealth and I turned my brain a different direction briefly. I asked myself, "Over the past 12-18 months, what god have you been trusting?" My current though probably still unclear answer is that I've been trusting God but allowing other distracting voices into my head. Maybe that other god is self, thinking that I could handle the day-to-day knowing that God had the bigger picture in mind and I'd learn more about that when he was ready. But I see what kind of burden you end up carrying even when you think you can handle the day-to-day. Especially when you're hiding the weight of it from those who love you and can help you. I was the villain in my own story.

The second point Aaron made was that famine changes the old rules. He pointed out that in Leviticus 11, the LORD gives a list of birds that are unclean to eat and verse 15 says, "every raven of any kind." The people of Israel were to have nothing to do with ravens of any kind, and in 1 Kings 17:4 it says that the LORD commanded the ravens to feed him. In verse 6 it says that the ravens brought Elijah bread and meat. They were the meat. That was something left out of the flannel graphs in Sunday school growing up. I remember the story of Elijah and the ravens and the bread crumbs they dropped at his feet. But what wasn't in the flannel graphs was the killing of bread-offering ravens. And Elijah had permission to eat the unclean birds because God changed the rules in the famine.

Point being, in a famine you will find that ways of provision have changed. God sent a new, unexpected source for food but he was still the same God. I didn't completely check out from Aaron's message at this point; but I did think to myself, "Yes, the ways of provision have changed, are changing and will change." And this has been one of my concerns in recent weeks. Not a major concern, but one to be considered. I'm nearing the end of my degree and would like to actually use it as a means to pay the bills. But I have example after example after example of God providing me with work and jobs and money over the last 12 years. I have never been in want and while I've accumulated some more debt in the last three years, I've never been behind in any payments. That said, I took much hope from this point. It confirmed what I already knew. The times, they are a'changin' and God has that next phase worked out and I'm confident he knows the amount of many money I need to make - and how I'm going to make it.

Aaron's last point was that famine points us to the Provider and not the provision. Because when you're down to nothing, where else are you going to look? Again, I think my brain went in a different direction here as Aaron talked about when the paycheck doesn't arrive on time (which has happened to me).

As he talked about that, I mused in my notebook about the season approaching that I need to be at home, in Nashville. Aaron mentioned that God directed Elijah to a brook, likely a seasonal brook that was filled with previous rainwater run-off, until it dried up from God's withholding rain and dew. Not to say that Nashville is a seasonal brook that will dry up (or maybe it will and I move elsewhere) (Pssst! God, NYC!) but come December/January, I feel like I'm supposed to stay put. And by stay put, I mean get involved in life again in Nashville, at my church, with volunteer work, etc. That doesn't rule out a trip to Portland or L.A. or Michigan or elsewhere but it does mean, when I'm here in Nashville, which will be most of the time, I will be seen. Kind of back to my old self but a more educated, more understanding, new old self.

*****
I still have so much more to say...like a blog on the need for friends, a blog on the recovery of my father, a blog on fear and anxiety, a blog on seasons, a recap blog of this seminary journey (that'll be fun)....

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // Free-falling vs. Soaring

2010-08-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

Your love's enough to see the broken hearts
Gain a brand new start with a brand new heart
And as the faithful hope in things unseen
You're enough to see all the things they dream come to life

'Cause we're living in the Savior today
And this day is what we have now
In this moment we have chosen to praise
And it's changing how we live now

Your love it broke my fall
It's more than enough and I need it
'Cause I've never known better
And I'll never know better

Your love's enough to see the humbled man
Find the cause of Christ with His outstretched hands
As the cripple grabs his mat to walk
You're enough to save him from the pain he bore

'Cause we're living in the Savior today
And this day is what we have now
In this moment we have chosen to praise
And it's changing how we live now

Your love it broke my fall
It's more than enough and I need it
'Cause I've never known better
And I'll never know better

This love will see me soar
It's more than enough and I need it
'Cause I've never known better
And I'll never know better

My Savior, You'll never let me go
My life is now secure

My Savior, You'll never let me go
And in Your hands my future's brighter

Your love it broke my fall
It's more than enough and I need it
'Cause I've never known better
And I'll never know better

This love will see me soar
It's more than enough and I need it
'Cause I've never known better
'Cause I'll never know better

'Cause I'll never know better
And I'll never know better

I was out running this morning, with the Hillsong United EP on the iPod. This song "Love Enough" came on and it was good to hear it again for the first time. Especially the chorus: Your love it broke my fall / It's more than enough and I need it / 'Cause I've never known better / And I'll never know better / This love will see me soar / It's more than enough and I need it / 'Cause I've never known better / And I'll never know better

I've been feeling grateful in recent days for God's love breaking my fall. I feel like life's been in a free fall for a while and now I've finally felt the courage to pull the ripcord of the parachute that I've known was there all along. All this while I've heard the voice in the back of my head, "Come on back around," but kept putting it off, not wanting to face it. It's true. God's love is more than enough and I need it. I can spend time focusing on other things, other people, other places, and know that nothing else will replace the God-shaped hole.

What I heard differently today in this song was the line: This love will see me soar. I can fall on that love and go from free-falling to soaring - letting that parachute glide through the air. Which is to say, either way, I'm up in the air (which reminds me of another blog I need to write). I can either let myself tumble around in no particular direction or I can fall back on God's love and soar. It's a question I have to ask, a choice I have to make: Do I want to be tumbling in no particular direction? Or do I want to be soaring in particular direction?

I'm tired of the free fall. I want the stability of soaring, so to speak. I want the stability of God's love to break this fall and hold me up as I soar. It's his love that will see me soar. I'm pretty sure I've been there before but some stuff knocked me down and I can feel myself getting things back in order and I'm ready for things to be straightened out, and that puts a smile on my face.

In this moment I've chosen to praise, and it's changing how I live now....

*****
Have you heard the song? Here's a video:

OLD TESTAMENT WRITINGS // A Psalm I Wrote

2010-08-06T06:55:00.000-07:00

My entry today is a psalm of testimony that I wrote for my class on the Old Testament Writings this winter. What's really interesting is how it applies even more to where I'm at right now. I wrote this in early February. This is the first draft; not sure if I'll ever revise it.

I give all thanks to the Lord;
          by his steadfastness, I am glad.
Now my heart and spirit can rejoice,
          for the Lord is faithful.

Listen to this!
          Come here!
Let me tell how my heart was sad;
          how my spirit was overwhelmed.

For many days life was good, and I heard from God.
          But the ways of life grabbed me, and I became distracted.
I moved from one place to the next,
          to be unknown,
          to hide.
But I kept going,
          filling the days with reasons,
          keeping my feet to the road.
Those I loved fell ill
          and I found new reasons to not be still.
“I must take care for them. I will return soon.”
          But I always meant to stay away.

I thought some days his voice would grow more distant,
          as I flew from one place to the next.
But always, no matter where I was,
         the Spirit was there to say, “Be still.
         Come away from those places.”

I knew I could not last like one lost in the desert.
          I was thirsty and hungry.
My spirit more overwhelmed than I realized,
          tears were my ever-present companion.
I said to the Lord, “I will go home.
          I will be known.
          I will be present.”
Then the overwhelming darkness within lifted.
          The Spirit came and removed it.
I allowed the Lord to enter, and he blew it all away.
          Like the storm clouds give way to sunlight.
Gone were the heavy feelings,
          lifted were the sorrows.
The Lord dried my tears,
          and my heart felt free again.
I could smile;
          I could speak.

People, people, listen!
          I feel a million times better.
I did not realize how deep the sadness had grown,
          how all the excuses kept me trapped.
And from this day forward,
          I will speak honestly to myself
          and speak honestly to my God.

Don’t try to fill your days so as to numb the pains.
          Let the pains hurt so God can heal.

God is so good.
          He is so faithful.
He knows and yet he still loves.
          He cares and comforts.
Heal, Lord, so that your name is glorified.
          God is awesome! Glory to his name!

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // At the Bottom of the Pile

2010-08-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumors of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

Things looks a little clearer this week. I decided to turn over a new leaf in August. I gave myself the month of June off to recuperate from full-time work and classes. Before I realized it, it was July 15. Oops. With August I returned to a self-imposed set schedule for work, chores, freelance, the right food, and working out. I decided I would write a blog entry once day, either on this blog or my other blog, The Traveling Auntie. I started on a list of projects that had to done.

And only three days into my new/old routine, I'm feeling more relaxed, more at home, more in control, more accomplished, more confident in what lies ahead. Even when I'm not sure what lies ahead. I'm actually excited about my life.

That feels really strange to admit.

It's not like I've been unhappy in my life or unexcited about what lies ahead. It's more like I haven't had the time to be excited about my life. I haven't had the chance to work on what lies beyond school. And I've been avoiding dealing with some tough things from this past year by keeping myself on the move.

But this week and last (while I was in Michigan) I've had the chance to tackle some of each. And in doing so, I discovered some hope. I've finally found some excitement about this next phase of my life. It's like the "whispers of the well-lit way" are getting a little louder and I can hear them clearer and they're replacing any "distraction buzzing in my head" telling me to hide. And that's exciting because for a long while now, I didn't search for excitement or hope for what lies ahead. Quite frankly, I just got up every morning and devoted long days to work and homework because it needed to be done. And now I'm feeling more confident: more confident in getting through this funky time and more confident in what's going to happen next.

I've been reading Our Second Birth by Henri Nouwen, which has been really helpful - seeing how time away, time to process, time to think and pray and write really matters and really helps. Now I'm making time to think and process and pray because I need some hope and excitement, I need to discover my passions again and not just go through the motions, I need to hear what the Spirit says.

I'm still processing the low points, my points of weakness from 2009 and 2010, places where it seems the world fell out from underneath me by either external circumstances or internal choices, times of fear or panic, but the reminder of recent days is that I'm still standing. I'm still found in God. I'm in the right place. I'm in a good place. It's not an easy place but that's probably because I allowed stuff to pile up. So now it's time to find my way out from the bottom of the pile.

Get Ready....

2010-08-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

If I'm a writer, then I need to be writing.

Starting tomorrow, August 3, I will be blogging once a day through the end of the month. Either here on Learning or on my other blog, The Traveling Auntie.

I have a lot in my brain and a lot on my mind that I want to get out, that I need to get out.

I meant to just take June off after classes ended but that kind of stretched through July. So now it's August and it's time to get back to writing, writing more than papers for school.

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA // Money Well Spent

2010-07-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

I got a good education at Fuller. It's costing me a pretty penny but I'm deciding it'll be worth every penny as I pay back the loans.

The biggest reason I'm glad I took this journey are the people I met. I want to make a list of names but I feel bad about starting the list with one person or another. Everyone holds a unique place. Still, you have to start somewhere: Lara, Laura, Dianne, Libby, Dan, Tim, Kristin, Eric, Jessica, Kevin, Michael, David, Dave, Lois, Jeff, Adrienne, Lindsay, Justin, Antonia....

Fond memories of Taco Tuesdays, earthquakes, two-week intensives, Thursday night TV, LOST parties, Friday night happy hour at Magnolia, U2 at the Rose Bowl, sushi, late nights at Yardhouse, impromptu ice cream socials, community group, Dream Center, Big Bear, Starbucks at Paseo, group work with dead weight, Cornerstone in Simi Valley, and of course, the Tim Tam Slam.

As I stand on the edge of "what in the world is next" and "how do I put this education to good use," I thought, "Man, I spent a lot of money on this degree. Was it worth it?" And I just came to the conclusion that it was worth it. Simply by the fact that I am cherishing these friendships and the memories of both living in L.A. and the times since, I wouldn't change the past, I cannot regret the dollars spent on grad school. These people have inspired and challenged me and whether they know it or now, they are helping me change, shaping me every day.

And they make me laugh. Every day.

LIFE IN TENNESSEE // Where Have I Been For the Last Year?

2010-07-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

I recently came to the realization that I spent the last year hiding. And now I’m starting to admit it and talk about it and try to make sense of it.

I spent the last year hiding, not wanting to know or be known. Not knowing where I belonged and not wanting to figure it out.

I moved back to Nashville from L.A. in June 2009 but in the year that I’ve “been back,” I haven’t really been back. I didn’t settle back into life in Nashville. I traveled here and there and anywhere so I didn’t have to be “at home” in Nashville, so I didn’t have to figure out where I belonged. Granted, many of my trips were legitimate – for school, work and family – but I also really didn’t want to be around life in Nashville, so I just kept going.

One reason I kept moving: I wasn’t sure where I fit in anymore. Things changed in Nashville and I changed while outside Nashville. I wasn’t and I’m still not sure where I fit in but I’m ready to figure it out.

Another (related) reason I kept moving: I wasn’t sure what I learned about myself that I wanted to share with others. I needed to process a lot of information, experiences and thoughts and I didn’t have the time to do that – what with working full-time and going to school. So, I just kept going, to get things done, to do my work, to fill my time, to keep myself from processing.

The title of this blog, “Learning,” fits as well now post-grad school classes as it did when I started keeping notes while in school in 2008. And the song lyrics that inspired me then sound even more like me now:

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet toward home, a land that I've never seen. I am changing: less and less asleep, made of different stuff than when I began. And I have sensed it all along, fast approaching is the day.
- “Shadowfeet” by Brooke Fraser

A “home, a land” in one sense means “heaven” to me. But now it also means this place I live in, this city and community that I am a part of, in Nashville. It’s a land that looks different now. I feel like I’ve been walking and stumbling my way back to it, traveling and hiding from it.

And I’m finding more comfort in the line “made of different stuff than when I began.” For a while I just thought that meant I was learning stuff, learning theology and missiology and meeting new people, making new friends, living in new places and finding a new identity.

But recent realizations have shown me that I was afraid to show what I learned and how I changed while in school and in L.A. and in all those cities in between. I was a little afraid of and being a little selfish with the lessons and the experiences and the realizations that I’d gathered in the last couple of years. I was afraid of some not-so-great choices that I made or “radical” ideas that I’d collected. I didn’t want to explain myself. I just wanted to be accepted and known. But that’s not always possible. Some things need to be explained; some things need to be accepted. But either way, they have to be shown, revealed, shared. I need to allow that “different stuff” to be seen. Because it’s those things that have “made” me. It’s a new me, a new identity, which was something I felt developing as I even started this journey in L.A. in January 2008.

“I have sensed it all along….” These things, these feelings have been bubbling under the surface and I’ve put them off. But it’s time. That day is approaching when I’m going to be known by others and I’m going to seek knowing others – to the best degree that I can. I still don’t know when that day is arriving but…. I have always been a very private person, held my cards close to my chest, kept that poker face in place. And I don’t think that’s going to be changing much. There might be a couple more people in that inner circle but not many, I’m afraid. I’m still pretty selective but I’m learning.

So, I’m coming out of hiding. I’m going to start processing, asking questions of myself, of others, of God, sharing what I’ve learned in theology and missiology, and through my travels and experiences. Let’s see how it goes.

Coming back...

2010-07-16T16:21:00.000-07:00

I was going to post something new here when I noticed that my last entry was July 19, 2009. I've decided to work a few more days on the next post and add it July 19, 2010.

Let's see what a couple extra days bring.

LIFE IN NASHVILLE // In the Wake of a Move...

2009-07-19T20:11:00.001-07:00

After a 30-hour drive from California, I settled back into my house in Nashville and hosted my sister and nephews for a week. Then the traveling kicked in. And over the course of the next few weeks, I hope to catch up here and talk about what's happening in life.

If Jesus really is alive...

2009-02-21T08:48:00.001-08:00

A thought from Theologizing in Mission class yesterday:

In interfaith dialogue there is always an elephant in the room: Jesus. But if Jesus really is alive, then the elephant really is in the room. Dialogue become trialogue.

Trying to figure out why I haven't posted here

2009-02-20T15:35:00.001-08:00

As I try to figure out why I haven't posted much, chew on these....

“The truth is that the gospel escapes domestication, retains its proper strangeness, its power to question us, only when we are faithful to its universal, supranatural, supracultural nature—faithful not just to in words but in action, not just in theological statement but in missionary practices in taking the gospel across the cultural frontiers.”
- Leslie Newbigin, IBMR April 1988

“This stuff of mission isn’t our work; it’s God’s.”
- Doug McConnell

“In this sense the foreign missionary is an enduring necessity in the life of the universal church, but, of course, the missionary journeys have to be multidirectional and not—as in the former period—only from west to east and from north to south.”
- Leslie Newbigin, IBMR April 1988

"A calling that is not geographic."
- Doug McConnell

"God didn’t bring you here to take you out a cynic."
- Doug McConnell

CHURCH IN MISSION // Quote

2008-10-03T21:21:00.001-07:00

The nation's motto, e pluribus unum -- out of many, one -- reveals both an early recognition of diversity and the value of unity arising from this diversity. But the motto also is sufficiently vague to leave room for debate and change over time.

~Michael Emerson, People of the Dream

Watch What You Say

2008-09-04T07:27:00.001-07:00

Blessings are not quite the same as prayers, because the person addressed is not God but other people. You look them in the eye, as it were, and say, ''Grace be to you.'' There is however a prayer-like quality, because implicit in the blessing is the appeal, ''O God, make these very words of mine a means of grace from you.'' (John Piper)

Hmmm. Wow. I'm more of a conduit of God's when I bless someone or say, ''Grace be to you.'' I'm actually asking God to open up a conduit of grace to them. And because we live by faith in future grace, those are powerful words to be uttering. I'm suddenly in on God's work, what he's doing in someone's life.

So when you say, ''God bless you'' or ''Grace be to you,'' remember what you're asking. Maybe say it more often...people need God's grace.

Faith by Future Grace

2008-09-03T08:18:00.001-07:00

Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. (Matthew 6:32-33)

SPIRITUALITY & MISSION // The Jewish Sabbath

2008-09-01T11:21:00.001-07:00

By way of information a typical Jewish Sabbath looks something like this:

Mid-afternoon on Friday observant Jews leave work to begin Sabbath preparations. Everything that is not done during Sabbath is readied and Sabbath begins at sunset. Sabbath candles are lit after a blessing is recited several minutes before sunset. The family then attends a brief evening service.

After service, the family returns for a leisurely, festive dinner. Before dinner, the man of the house recites Kiddush, a prayer over wine sanctifying Sabbath. The usual prayer for eating bread is recited over two loaves of challah and the family then eats dinner. After dinner, the birkat ha-mazon (grace after meals) is recited.

The next morning Sabbath services last from nine to noon. The family says Kiddush again and has another leisurely, festive meal. A typical afternoon meal is cholent, a very slowly cooked stew. Once birkat ha-mazon is done, the family studies Torah for a while, talks or does some other leisure activity. A third meal is required before the Sabbath is over.

Sabbath ends at nightfall, when three stars are visible, approximately 40 minutes after sunset. At the conclusion of Sabbath, the family performs a concluding ritual called Havdalah (separation, division). Blessings are recited over wine, spices and candles. Then a blessing is recited regarding the division between the sacred and the secular.

SPIRITUALITY & MISSION // Sabbath in My Context

2008-09-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

From my final paper:

Sabbath practice in my current context, Fuller Seminary, will establish a routine for Sabbath practice in my future context. So far in seminary, especially through “Spirituality and Mission,” I have added the power of a retreat and the insight of the Contemplative stream to my Sabbath practice in my current context.

The spiritual retreat taken this quarter opened my eyes to the “magic” found in simply taking time to break from the rat race. The time away and the garden setting allowed me to write out all the emotions, questions and prayers that were bottled up inside me. The retreat allowed me to breathe easier and for the first time in a long time, to just enjoy God. It was like Sabbath: a time to rest and a time to remember God and remember who I was in God.

Studying the different streams of the Christian tradition through Foster’s book Streams of Living Water was a learning experience. I recognized all the streams but had not considered the ones outside my own with very much depth. The Contemplative stream was one for which I gained new appreciation. I am not prone to consider monasticism too much; I am not called to live such a lifestyle. But the current situation of my life really connected with the quiet and calm that the Contemplative stream portrayed. Life so far in 2008 has been a whirlwind of sorts, often leaving my insides to ask, “What have you done to us?” Reading through “Practicing the Contemplative Tradition,” I feel the words “Sabbath rest, Sabbath rest, Sabbath rest” pounding on me over and over. Foster’s take on the Contemplative tradition reads as Sabbath rest to me. I feel like I could open these two pages every Sunday (or whenever my Sabbath might be) in whatever context I find myself, and there will be my Sabbath practice.

Beyond my time at Fuller, I am not quite sure what routine life will hold. I feel like I should be prepared for the “un-set” schedule. Still, the rhythm of Sabbath must be incorporated. After this study, I believe that it is not only a necessity but also a requirement. I see my Sabbath as including worship time, prayer, reading, perhaps naptime. Especially, I see blogging as part of my Sabbath practice as a means of reflection and remembrance.

For professional church workers the decision to find and take a Sabbath is often hindered by “their efforts to please God and their efforts to save the world.” As a speaker to the Church, I must remember that I am not her Savior and I am not her Provider. I must also remember the rhythm of rest goes back to God and creation. This rhythm “matches how we were created; only in its keeping can we truly flourish.”

Ministers often set apart a day other than Sunday as a “day off” or their “Sabbath.” As post-seminary life takes shape, a day that might not be Sunday will be set aside as my Sabbath.

LIFE IN MICHIGAN // Still Alive

2008-08-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

I have been enjoying family time in Michigan. More posts coming soon. I've been doing my homework and have come across some interesting items in both Anthropology and Biblical Foundation of Mission. PLUS, I still have words on Sabbath.

QUOTE // On Romans 8:28

2008-07-18T07:28:00.001-07:00

The two conditions of Romans 8:28 are simply clarifications of what it really means to trust God for this great promise of future grace. Trusting him for this promise is not merely believing that he will work for your good. You can believe that and be wrong. It means looking through the promise to the one who promises, and by grace - that is, by his sovereign call - apprehending in him the spiritual worth and beauty that will go on satisfying your heart forever; and then embracing that beauty as your chief treasure above all that the world can give. This is the meaning of loving God, and this is the essence of faith in future grace. When you have this faith - when you fufill this condition by God's gracious call - God works all things together for your good.

~John Piper, 'Future Grace'

QUOTE

2008-07-12T11:06:00.001-07:00

Faith is spelled R-I-S-K.

~John Wimber

QUOTES

2008-07-10T20:20:00.001-07:00

I let God out of the box and he got unpredictable. He sure got real big. God has really changed a lot since Sunday school.

God hasn't changed but I sure have.

~Dr. Charles Kraft

I think God lives in trees - because he's always pushing me out on limbs.

~Pastor friend of Dr. Kraft's

HE SAID, SHE SAID TOO // With the Help of Francis & Brooke

2008-07-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

***This might not be a new thought but it’s at least a refresher. It’s something I’ve been dwelling on quite a bit in the last few weeks.

DESERT SONG
Words and Music by Brooke Fraser

This is my prayer in the desert when all that’s within me feels dry.
This is my prayer in my hunger and need. My God is the God who provides.

This is my prayer in the fire, in weakness or trial or pain.
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold so refine me, Lord, through the flame.

I will bring praise. I will bring praise. No weapon formed against me shall remain.
I will rejoice. I will declare. God is my victory and He is here.

This is my prayer in the battle when triumph is still on its way.
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ so firm on His promise I’ll stand.

All of my life in every season you are still God.
I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.

This is my prayer in the harvest when favor and providence flow.
I know I’m filled to be emptied again. The seed I’ve received I will sow.

© 2008 Sony/ ATV Music Publishing Australia (Aust. & NZ only), Hillsong Publishing (Rest of world)

Here is a story about “Desert Song” and the song performed:

This is a worship song coming out on the new Hillsong album This Is Our God. This is a good Sabbath song (more coming on Sabbath soon). But something I heard inside me when I was listening to this song: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28, ESV). And I thought about what “for good” meant – for the good of whom? For those who love God and for those called according to his purpose.

“Well,” I thought, “that puts us in the center of the story and we’re not the center of the story. God is.” So while God works all things together for good for us, there must be another step in which God’s name is known, in which God is prized above everything, in which “for good” takes on a bigger meaning than just comfort for us here on Earth. Isn’t that what we often take this verse to mean? That God is going to make a bad situation better, that he’s going to change up the bad hand you’ve been dealt, that he’s going to ease the pain here and now?

In the context of Romans 8, suffering is necessary to be a co-heir with Christ in his glory (vv. 16-17) (being a co-heir in glory is quite an image to ponder). Paul talks about creation groaning with the children of God as we wait for the day that we are released from pain, suffering, death and decay, and look forward to the new bodies and freedom that God promised. Not only that, but the Holy Spirit comes alongside us and groans. He helps us in our “distress” or “weakness” (v. 26). This distress or weakness is a continuation of us waiting for the glory that was promised, the freedom from these bodies. It’s not about a trial that comes upon us Monday morning at work. It’s a distress about awaiting the bigger picture “patiently” and “confidently” (v. 25). The good (v. 28) is about that fulfillment of the promise – not about a temporal or material good on Earth but an eternal good. We suffer here but “the good” doesn’t mean relief comes now. Relief comes when God sets us free from the body.

Then we have the question: What do we do with the suffering we experience now? “We suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him” (v. 17). How to handle suffering is also seen in Romans 8:28. God’s promise to work all things together for good is for those who (1) love him and (2) are called according to his purpose.
- Love him: The Shema is the most basic command: “Hear, O Israel, YHWH our God, YHWH is one; and you shall love YHWH your God.” Those who love God are the true Israel.
- Called according to his purpose: God’s purpose as seen throughout the Bible is to restore creation, to be the all-sufficient one, to have the glory of his name known throughout the Earth. His purpose for Israel was that the nation would show the praises of the one true God in the world.

God will accomplish the good (release from suffering, death and decay) for those who are the true Israel: those who love him and show his praises to the world. If we love him, we’ll do our job, our purpose, and we’ll praise him. Here God becomes the center of the story!

So then I hear songs like the above and I think that no matter the season, no matter what happens, I will praise, I will rejoice, I will declare. It could be famine, fire, battle or the good harvest, and I will praise because that is what I am called to do. My purpose is to show forth God’s praise to the world. I have victory in God and HE is here. God is my victory. That third verse (“This is my prayer in the battle…”) is Romans 8 – in the battle with suffering, this decaying life, as a child of God and co-heir with Christ, I can stand firm on the promise that God is working for the good, the ultimate good. That deserves a shout, a smile on the face, overwhelming gratitude and JOY! It shouldn’t matter what my situation looks like, because in every season I am to do one thing: praise.

It’s seems so obvious; why don’t more people get it? As my pastor Francis reminded us on Sunday, we know the ending – we win! (David Crowder Band said it a couple albums ago, too.) Francis said, “There should be an attitude of victory about us. There is no fear, no sting in death. I know how this thing ends. I know there is tragedy here but in the end we win. So why stress about world with pain? Do you walk in this kind of confidence? Do people look at you and see you as powerful, confident and not to be overtaken?”

He told the story of Solomon. Rather than asking God to get rid of all his enemies, Solomon asked for wisdom. He could have had all obstacles removed, all of his enemies wiped out, but instead Solomon asked for wisdom. We shouldn’t pray for obstacles to be removed but we should pray for wisdom. The easy way out would be to remove temptation but God wants us to be mature. Romans 5:3-4 says to rejoice in our sufferings because they are good for us.

“YES! That’s what I’ve been thinking!” I said to myself. Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen people walking in worry or defeat. I look around church and see people singing songs that speak volumes about God, his power, his greatness, his glory but look so blah while they’re doing it. I talk to friends that seemingly have very little passion for their church, for proclaiming the glory of God in their lives. And I think, “How can you say that the Spirit of God dwells in you but you look lifeless and act lifeless?”

Romans 8 closes with, “If God is for us, who can stand against us? Who will dare accuse us before God? What can separate us from the love of God? Nothing and no one can.” If we know that win and we know that death, life, angels, demons, fear, worries and the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love from us, then we should carry an attitude of power in us. We should be able to hear and/or sing the song above with absolute confidence, belief and power that God is the victor and the world needs to know about it.

QUOTE

2008-07-07T11:57:00.000-07:00

We cannot know as God knows. Therefore, love. Accept those with differing opinions and practices as likely to be at least partly right. Be humble about one's own opinions and practices, since they are at least partly wrong. Love each other, whether or not we agree, for "to love is to obey the whole Law" (Rom. 13:10).

~Dr. Charles H. Kraft, Anthropology for Christan Witness

QUOTE

2008-07-06T09:27:00.001-07:00

The pleasure of pride is like the pleasure of scratching. If there is an itch one does want to scratch; but it is much nicer to have neither the itch nor the scratch. As long as we have the itch of self-regard we shall want the pleasure of self-approval; but the happiest moments are those when we forget our precious selves and have neither but have everything else (God, our fellow humans, animals, the garden and sky) instead.

~C.S. Lewis

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA // Life Outside Tennessee

2008-07-05T18:55:00.000-07:00

I just closed out my first six months here. Last Sunday it came to mind that I originally thought I would stay here six months and then go back to Nashville for six months, and then do it all over again.

Man, I can’t imagine going back right now. No offense to all my friends in Nashville but I really just can’t imagine being there right now. (I also haven’t fully recovered from the long three-day drive out here and am certainly not ready to make that trek again anytime soon.)

I guess it was easy to consider a 6-month/6-month trade-off when I hadn’t lived here yet. But as I watched life unfold here and there (Nashville), I realized there was more to this story than just coming out to get some courses done in California.

I was fine with moving to California. I knew that it had to happen eventually. I just didn’t think January 2008 would be the time. I wasn’t overly excited but I was fine with it. I knew that it was God leading me, which gave me confidence. I believed it was part of the story that he’s telling through me. And even in the moments of doubt, peace came. When moments of doubt came, I would think about the alternative to moving: staying. And the thought of staying in the same situation, going to work everyday, doing schoolwork and filling in any gaps with freelance, church, friends, etc., filled me with dread and agony. The best way to say it is that if I had stayed, I would have been miserable. Not because I was anticipating something so great in California, but because I knew I was supposed to leave. So to stay would have been wrong.

Yet I didn’t fully understand what it meant to leave. It wasn’t just about being in school and working towards a different career path. It wasn’t so much about going as it was about leaving. And it took me a while to see and accept exactly what was up.

It was interesting to see how life unfolded back home shortly after I left. My church merged with another church, for one. The church I had been attending and done ministry with suddenly looked different and pretty foreign to me. That led to thoughts of perhaps staying in California longer than short-term. Then some different things happened in the life of my best friend and I was thousands of miles away and felt completely unable to help. It was so frustrating. I was frustrated with the situation and I was frustrated with God for taking me so far away at just the point that I felt I could be really useful. I didn’t get it. I was upset, confused, separated but I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel homesick. There was no regret. So I said, “God, tell me. Tell me what all this means. Because I have some mixed feelings.”

And God’s cool. He reminded me that he wanted me in California and that the idea of staying in Nashville didn’t sit right with me. I would think again about the option of staying in Nashville and I knew that wouldn’t have been right. I felt the question, “If you had known this would happen, if given the choice, would you have stayed?” And I answered confidently in him, “No, no, I still would have left. I could not stay.”

And so God led me to the perspective that this journey to California wasn’t about going. It was about leaving. Leaving the world as I knew it Nashville. And I began to feel that God was separating me from the life I had known. My identity for the last 10 years has been in the music industry. What I’ve done and how I’m known, as for many people, have been tied to my job, my career. At his right time in the story, he plucked me out of Tennessee and placed me in California. (Though I still don’t have a clear vision of why or what’s going to happen in place of this previous identity.)

Sometimes I feel selfish because I don’t pay as much attention to Nashville. There are moments I wish that I were closer to home. Where I could jump in the car and just road trip to Nashville real quick to comfort a friend – or comfort myself. But that’s simply not an option being in California. And planet tickets are flat expensive. So here I am for a reason. I’m learning. I’m learning to see seasons. I’m learning why Jesus came to Earth. I’m learning about church. I’m learning patience. I’m learning to rest. I’m learning how to be away. I’m learning how to study, to read. I’m learning how to build relationships from scratch (this one is hard and requires much patience). I’m learning that I’m OK being single. I’m learning about faith in future grace. I’m learning the importance of living today because I have no idea what the future holds. And it’s OK.

And if I were in Nashville, I wouldn’t be learning any of it.

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA // My Box

2008-07-05T09:13:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day about seeing things on a larger scale here in California. Los Angeles is a whole world away from Nashville. (And Nashville was quite a change from Michigan.) The diversity here is just…more! All the ethnicities, I see so much and so many around me. All shapes and sizes living life, whatever life that is (though I usually see it from inside the Jetta as I’m driving)

Fuller has me climbing out of my box to explore, look around and learn as well. I feel at home while I also wonder where I am. There are always rumblings about Fuller being liberal this or liberal that but it is a fully evangelical seminary. The faculty encourages all ideas to be laid out on the table. One is free to choose whatever idea she likes, just back it up! So I have found myself in interesting discussions or lectures where logical ideas that I never heard before were brought to the table. Some sound good but they just don’t seem to fit the world that I know while some absolutely make my spirit jump for joy. Take some and leave some. My Anthropology professor made the point in lecture this week that if we focus more on books with little application, we will quickly become cynical and that's how some have lost their faith in seminary (my paraphrase of Dr. Kraft).

For example, in my New Testament: Acts to Revelation course this winter, our professor gave lectures on the textual criticism of the Pauline corpus: which books Paul wrote, which ones he didn’t, when they were written, etc. I found myself getting caught up in those discussions. I found myself becoming cynical toward the Christian tradition I had been brought up in. We might find out one day if Paul or one of his disciples actually wrote Colossians but for me it finally down to the point that the argument didn't matter when it came to applying the words canonized in the Bible as the words of God. And I decided though it was interesting to investigate and discuss, that was a part of Fuller that didn't find a place in my daily application and context. So, I took the notes and became more scholarly but left most on the table.

On the opposite end, in my New Testament: The Gospels course this spring, my mind and spirit seemed to flourish as the assignments had me straight up in the Bible, teaching me how to read it with different eyes. The notes and the techniques Dr. Green gave us were and are absolutely applicable. It’s flat out amazing when you just do a “close reading of the text.”

Recently my box (my life and my perspective on it) came to mind. A time or two in the last six months, I think I toyed with idea of throwing my box away and starting over. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Get out of that box and think differently? Plus I had people here and there telling me that I would trade in Nashville for Los Angeles. All this together, I decided that I needed to go back and look at my box.

I found that six months later my box, my world, is bigger. It’s holding a few more things but it's still me. It looks like me and smells like me. It just sounds and thinks a bit differently. And I felt for the first time, I knew that it was OK. I knew it was OK to keep the same box rather than toss it out and start over. For a while I listened to the voices saying, "You like it; you'll stay." But recently I've worked at quieting those voices and decided that I need to hold onto this box, my world, me, what I know. It's 32 years of history, memories, stories, faith. This is where the word "go" came to me. This box holds the vision for this journey.

So this Midwestern-by-way-of-the-South girl knows that God doesn’t want her to get rid of her box, her world, for a bigger West Coast one. It just doesn’t make sense. The West Coast box would certainly cost more. But God is adding some West Coast things to my life, my world, but it's still me. I thought I would have to start over and get a new box for all the California and seminary experience. But really this is all growing with me. It won’t be too small for all these ideas, visions and perspectives at the end of the journey. I don't have to become an entirely new person. God didn't start over with me; he just took me to a new location.

And I think I believe more now than I ever have that this box, this world, this life of mine holds a mess of secrets that won’t come out until it gets a little bigger anyway.

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA // Seeing Saturn

2008-07-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

So I went to the Griffith Observatory about two weeks ago. I wanted to explore the place more than I did but it was getting late. I’ll wait on my outer space-lovin’ friend Leslie to visit so we can explore together.

But I did get to see Saturn through the giant telescope. The picture to the left is the monitor showing us what we were going to see – Saturn. The astronomer lady who was the telescope tour guide noted (over and over for the newcomers to the telescope room) that Saturn has 60 moons and on a good night six are visible, “but only one decided to show up tonight.” So I saw Saturn and one of its moons in the telescope.

For waiting in line so long, I wouldn’t say I was disappointed but Saturn sure wasn’t very big – only the size of a sunflower seed.

But it was clear and colorful and the real thing. It was the planet Saturn!

Some perspective: Saturn is the third planet farther out from Earth (…Mars, Jupiter, Saturn) and the sixth planet from the Sun. Saturn is the second largest planet in our solar system. When I looked out the open roof by the telescope, I could see Saturn with the naked eye and then just down to the right was Mars. Saturn is 1.4 billion kilometers from the Sun and it takes about 29.5 Earth years for Saturn to orbit the Sun. That means it has only finished one turn around the Sun in my lifetime. One time around! And I’ve been around almost 33 times!

This thing is enormous. Look at this picture that compares the size of Saturn and Earth.

Still, even with such enormity, Saturn only showed up as a colorful sunflower seed in the telescope. It is super far away. The space between it and us is ridiculous. I am reminded that there is a whole lot going on out there that I can’t even begin to comprehend.

QUOTE

2008-07-02T07:56:00.001-07:00

Good missionaries have always been good 'anthropologists.'

~Eugene A. Nida, Customs and Culture

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA // Reagan Presidential Library

2008-06-30T18:38:00.000-07:00

My friend Mincy and I went up to the Presidential Library in Simi Valley yesterday (6/29). First, it's amazing piece of property. The drive up is amazing and the views are something else. And the building itself is pretty amazing, too.

Inside, the museum and library are real well done. We were there for about two hours and could have taken more time but I had to get to church. [Smile]

Here are some photos:

Ronald Reagan's memorial/resting place

A section of the Berlin Wall given to Reagan

Oval Office

Air Force One - the actual one Reagan used as did Bush I, Clinton and Bush II. Reagan ordered the one currently being used by Bush II.

The entrance

QUOTE

2008-06-30T08:11:00.001-07:00

Prizing is the essence of praising.

~John Piper

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA // Seeing Nature

2008-06-15T20:53:00.000-07:00

Something I realized recently: I've been noticing more things nature-oriented out here. Which is ironic since I live a city. But if you haven't read "A Mouse Tale" or "A Tale of Two Squirrels", you need to visit my "outside seminary" blog. The "mouse tale" still makes me smile.

But I've also had little moments with nature including the pretty large snail "snailing" along the sidewalk in Pasadena and the little white butterfly that kept flitting just ahead of me as I walked down the sidewalk along in my apartment complex - like it was keeping me company on my walk.

And then there are the blue, blue skies of Pasadena that you don't always get in other parts of L.A. And the green, green palm trees against those blue skies. All with the mountains as a backdrop to the east. Just lovely.

I started to wonder why I was noticing all these things so often. My conclusion: because I walk everywhere around Pasadena. Walking not only does the body good; it does the senses and soul good, too.

And I can't help but stop and think, "God, it really is good. Thanks for bringing me here to see it."

Spring Quarter Finished

2008-06-14T18:07:00.000-07:00

I finished my final paper for New Testament 2: The Gospels on Thursday evening (it was due at 11:59:59 p.m. And I finished my final paper for Spirituality and Mission at noon on Friday (it was due at 5 p.m.). I had time left over on both.

All that to say, I'm free for a week until I start leading myself through my distance learning courses. I'm going to reflect some more tomorrow (Sunday). Til then, I'm relaxing....

NEW TESTAMENT: THE GOSPELS // John Interpretive Assignment

2008-06-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

My Interpretive Assignment on John 13:1-15:

Verse 1 is an appropriate starting point for this text. It is marked by a change of setting with “now before the festival of the Passover.” In the previous verses Jesus had been speaking to crowds; now John’s narrative turns to the supper with Jesus and his disciples. Verse 15 is an appropriate end. The narration of Jesus’ “example” of foot washing concludes in that verse. Verses 16-20 correspond to vv. 1-15 but do not carry keywords such as “clean,” “wash” and “feet.” The phrase “very truly” (vv. 16, 20) sets the text apart to itself.

The opening phrase, “now before the festival of the Passover,” occurs in similar forms in 2:13; 6:4; 11:55 and 12:1. In 2:13, it opens the scene where Jesus drives the merchants and moneychangers out of the Temple. In 6:4, it comes before the feeding of five thousand people. In 11:55, it comes after Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead and includes “many went up from the country to Jerusalem before the Passover to purify themselves.” In 12:1, it leads to Mary’s anointing of Jesus’ feet. Each time the phrase is used in John, a significant event occurs, mostly in public settings (except perhaps 12:1). This phrase could be a signal from John that a noteworthy event is taking place.

Keywords in the text are “know/knew/knowing,” “understand,” “world,” “devil,” “heart,” “betray,” “supper,” “table,” “water,” “wash,” “feet” and “clean.” “Know/knew/knowing” (vv. 1, 3, 11) refer directly to Jesus. Jesus uses “know” (vv. 7, 12) when speaking to disciples. Jesus tells Peter that he “will understand” (v. 7), indicating a future revelation of the meaning to his action. “Understand” (v. 12) is then used as Jesus offers explanation for the foot washing. “World” occurs twice (v. 1), in reference to his departing and in reference to “his own” that he would leave in it. John uses “world” in every chapter (except 2) leading up to this text. “Devil” (v. 2) is connected to words “heart” and “betray” (v. 2). “Betray” (v. 11) is also connected with “he [Jesus] knew” and “clean” (v. 11). “Supper” appears once in NRS (v. 2) but appears twice in ESV (vv. 2, 4). In ESV “supper” bookends a sentence that reveals the devil putting betrayal in Judas Iscariot’s heart (v. 2) and reveals Jesus’ knowing that God had given all things into his hands and that he came from and was going back to God (v. 3). John gives readers that information and then relates that Jesus “rose from supper” (v. 4). In NRS he “got up from the table” (v. 4), which also indicates the mealtime. The “table” or “supper” is an important cultural reference, signifying fellowship and intimacy. This “supper” is with Jesus and his disciples (the persons mentioned in the story). “Water” is poured (v. 5) and used to “wash” (vv. 5, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14) the disciples’ “feet” (vv. 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 14). “Clean” refers to the body (v. 10) and the disciples (v. 11).

The Gospel of John connects Jesus to “water” several times: Jesus turns water to wine (2:1-11), Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well (4:1-26), Jesus heals the invalid at the pool (5:1-15), Jesus walks on water (6:16-21) and Jesus heals the man born blind, sending the man to wash in the Pool of Siloam (9:1-7). In 13:1-15, Jesus pours “water” into a basin and begins to wash his disciples feet (v. 5). Another reference to foot washing occurs in the OT when Abraham acknowledges foot washing for his three visitors (Gen. 18:4). Ceremonial cleansing happened before Passover as Jews traveled from the country to Jerusalem (11:55). This story takes place “before the Feast of Passover” (v. 1). Ceremonial cleansing takes shape in this text as Jesus gets up from his place at the table (v. 4) and begins to wash the disciples’ feet himself (v. 5).

The foot washing is an action Jesus performs with his hands. The one time Jesus’ hands are mentioned in this text is “Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands” (v. 3). Presumably Jesus uses his hands to take off his outer garments, pick up the towel, tie it around his waist, pick up the container with water to pour into the basin, wash the disciples’ feet and wipe them with the towel (vv. 4-5). After John tells readers that the Father had given “all things” into Jesus’ hands, he immediately tells a story of what Jesus did with his hands: foot washing. The foot washing itself is set apart from the rest of the text with Jesus getting up from the table and taking off his outer garments (v. 4) and putting on his outer garments and resuming his place at the table (v. 12).

With foot washing, Jesus takes on a lower status, the status of a slave/servant who would wash feet. This would be a significant action in that culture. John notes only Simon Peter calling attention to it. There is no mention that other disciples said anything. There is also no mention how many disciples had their feet washed before Jesus “came to Simon Peter” (v. 6). Peter addresses him as “Lord” (v. 6), which is in juxtaposition to Jesus washing feet and Peter’s question, “Are you going to wash my feet?” (v. 6), could presume that he simply does not understand what it all means. To which Jesus answers, “Afterward you will understand” (v. 7). Jesus does give one explanation later (vv. 12-15).

Only the name Peter (not Simon Peter) appears in his reply to Jesus (v. 8), though Simon Peter again appears in his final comment (v. 9). Why does John drop his given name Simon (v. 8) for Peter, the name given him by Jesus (1:42)?

There is the element of ceremonial cleansing before Passover to this text. There is also the story that Jesus knew his hour to depart this world had come and he loved his own to the end (v. 1). Who were “his own”? In response to Peter, Jesus says, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me” (v. 8). So those washed by Jesus would become his own. In 13:1-15, those would be his disciples. This story is about their identification with Jesus. Jesus washed the disciples’ feet (v. 12) so all present would have a “share with him.” Yet, John already revealed that devil had put the thought of betrayal of Jesus in Judas Iscariot’s heart (v. 2). John does not mention that Jesus skipped over any disciples (i.e., Judas Iscariot) or that Judas Iscariot was not present for the foot washing. What’s the implication for Judas Iscariot to be considered one of Jesus’ own but to also have the information from John that Jesus knew about the betrayal (v. 2)?

Jesus says that washing the feet is enough to signify being clean (v. 10). Those traveling to Jerusalem for Passover presumably came by foot and went through ceremonial cleansing (11:55). Did this only include physical foot washing? Participating in the ceremonial cleansing then, a Jew would be considered entirely clean and ready for Passover simply by foot washing. John (and Jesus) then takes cleansing a step further. John connects “betray” to “clean” (v. 11). Betrayal is not a physical quality but an action or decision of the mind or heart. John already connected “betray” and “heart” (v. 2). John takes the foot washing done by Jesus and makes it about the heart being clean or unclean.

In 13:1-15, foot washing is about becoming a servant to others (vv. 4, 14). It is about identification with Jesus (v. 8). It is about washing all feet, though betrayal might be within a person (vv. 2, 10, 11). It is about more than cleansing the feet; it is about cleansing the heart (vv. 10-11). Ezekiel 36:25 mentions cleansing the heart: “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols” (NIV).

SPIRITUALITY AND MISSION // The second part of my spiritual autobiography

2008-05-29T18:43:00.000-07:00

Here is the second half of the spiritual autobiography. I did some major tweaking in it - the one I turned in didn't do the topic justice for the page limit I had. It's long but should read fast. (Maybe we'll see this in book form someday?)

MUSIC CITY
I lived and worked in Nashville for 10 years. I didn’t know anyone when I moved there. I didn’t have a job or career plan. I just knew that was where God wanted me. I was there to work in the Christian music industry. And I did, successfully, for 10 years. Everything came easily; everything came as God planned. I had good jobs and great jobs, job changes and layoffs. Always God provided: financially, emotionally, spiritually.

Then January 2007 arrived. I was in Atlanta for the Passion 07 conference, working for the media relations firm that represents the Passion Conferences. I had the easy job of writing one press release each day for the event. In exchange, I got paid and had access to the conference for free. This was the third Passion Conference I worked in this capacity. This would be old hat.
But two things happened at this Passion Conference: I heard Francis Chan speak for the first time and I heard Beth Moore speak again. When Francis spoke, I was completely captivated with not only his message but with his teaching and communication style. I became an instant fan. The next morning, I remember I was working on my computer while Beth was speaking, when something made me stop and look up. I don’t think it was anything in particular she said. But as I looked up, that something (what I now think was the Spirit leading) said inside me, “That’s what I want to do. I want to be a Beth Moore. I want to travel and speak. Hmm, that’s odd. That’s nothing like me.” End of thought. Back to the computer. End of conference. Back to life and work in Nashville.

The first half of 2007 brought the normal course of life – though Francis Chan’s Podcast from his church in Simi Valley were added to it. I continued freelance writing and editing, working for a company based out of Malibu, Calif., called All Access Music Group, volunteering for my church and making coffee drinks at Starbucks. I dealt with relationship issues, bosses, deadlines – normal “life in America” stuff.

The next encounter with that Spirit voice came at a women’s retreat in May. The retreat took me from that normal course of life and it was there I felt the Spirit once again lay hold of me, asking me to release some recent disappointments and my own expectations for my life. I remember telling God, “Whatever you have for me. My hands are open.” If only I knew….

One month later I walked into my office and sat down at my computer and something changed. That stirring came again. That voice spoke up, “I cannot do this anymore. If I am still coming into this office for the next two years, I won’t be in God’s will.” The thought startled me a bit. I always thought I would be in Nashville working in the music industry. That’s why God led me there. Rather than move past the thought, as I did the Beth Moore one, I let it sink in. And there was immense calm. I even flipped it around and asked myself the question, “What if you do stay?” Without pause, I answered, “I will be miserable if I have to do this any longer. I need to do something that will affect the church and the kingdom.”

There was my answer. Almost immediately, I started exploring my options for a master’s degree, one that would equip me to serve my sister and brother-in-law in their overseas missions work. The search was short. Within one week I applied to the MAGL program at Fuller…and then I waited. I received my acceptance letter about six weeks later. I was not accepted to the MAGL program but to the MACCS program. Exciting but not exactly how I pictured it. The MACCS would require a move to Pasadena. The MAGL could be done from the comforts of my organized life in Nashville.

I talked to God about it, asking him why this program. I never got a straight answer. Through the conversations, though, I believed that this was what he wanted me to do. So, I started with two online classes in the fall. I was not in a rush to move to California. I pushed that requirement to Fall 2008 or later. I figured by that time I would have a chance to get all my home and life affairs in order. But in mid-October I had a conversation with David Crowder for a feature story I was writing. Our conversation centered on justice, compassion and the church’s role in such missions, the very topics and questions that I was exploring in seminary. I hung up the phone from the interview and in an instant, I heard the Spirit say to me, “You have to go now. You need to get started on this. You cannot wait.” I guess by this time I learned something about that voice. I trusted it. Sure, it had told me some odd things, like “I want to be Beth Moore.” But now I was getting it. I had told God, “Whatever you have for me.” He heard me and took me up on it. Without hesitation, without question, I said, “OK. How this will work in two months, I have no idea, but OK. I’ll go.”

Within two months I packed up my Nashville life. I moved most of it into three friends’ homes and drove the rest to California. And in the process I discovered with 98 percent confidence that this was the road God paved for me (the other two percent worried about renting my house). You see, or 18 months, I had been working for a company based in L.A., so my job came with me. God opened housing at Fuller in my budget within six weeks and provided tenants in my house the same day I moved into my Fuller apartment. And I was only 40 minutes from Simi Valley and Francis Chan. I smiled at God when I realized that one year to the day that I first heard Francis preach in Atlanta, I left Atlanta with my best friend bound for L.A. One year to the day that I heard the Spirit suggest a Beth Moore-type career, I was on the road to California. My entire life, the whole direction, the story as I knew it had completely changed – literally in one year.

Ten years in Nashville opened my eyes to the ups and downs of mixing Christian ministry with business. Those years also saw me in God-given jobs that taught me invaluable lessons and provided me with numerous skills for the work that lies ahead. Most of all, life in Nashville and all its ministry and career opportunities taught me how to rejoice in all things, especially the unexpected things.

REJOICE
I have two tattoos (for now). The one on my right wrist is a cross, facing me, as a constant reminder of God’s compassion and Jesus’ obedience. The one on my left wrist is the word “REJOICE.” This comes from my reading of another influence, John Piper (introduced through the Passion Conferences as well). If one word sums up my life now, a life so rich in Christian heritage, so rich in God’s faithfulness, yet so challenging in the day-to-day, it is the word “rejoice.” Philippians 4:4 says, “Rejoice always; again I say rejoice.” In all things I rejoice. I rejoice in the childhood of protection. I rejoice in the circumstances of adulthood. Not much rattles me now, not much shakes me. I’ve learned that nothing surprises God (thank you, John Piper), so whether things look bad or good, I just rejoice in the fact that God is bigger than any of it.

Now in my 30s, when I look in the mirror and see the scars, I’m reminded. I’m not reminded of a dog attack. Rather I’m reminded of my life and I become overwhelmed with gratitude to God. I almost shouldn’t be here but I am and I cannot take the credit. I couldn’t save myself from such massive trauma as a baby. I realize again that this life has little to do with me. I didn’t pick the parents that would raise me in the tradition that they did. The college where ultimately my faith became my own was not my first, second or even third choice. I certainly didn’t plan a career change and a move to California at 32.

A friend once told me that 10 percent of life is what happens and 90 percent is how you respond to it. What happened as I accepted my context, as I accepted my culture, as I accepted my faith tradition, as I lived out that story? What happened as I simply learned to rejoice in all things? What happened when I chose last summer to live life with open hands? God slide Nashville over to the side and placed California in the center of my open hands. Even as unexpected as California was, as untimely as it seemed, there is no doubt that it was God’s leading. I look in the mirror at those scars and I know that God loves me and he has great things for me. He turned the page to an unexpected new chapter of his story in me. I kind of asked for it though. Still, it’s a chapter that I never imagined and one that I’m thrilled to be living for him and with him.

NEW TESTAMENT: THE GOSPELS // Luke Interpretive Assignment

2008-05-28T18:13:00.000-07:00

There was an interpretive assignment on Luke 13:10-17. I chose not to do this one for a grade but still took notes on the class discussion. (I did the one for John 13:1-15; that one will post soon.)

Verse 10 is a good place to start this pericope. The form changes as does the time and setting (“now”, “Sabbath,” “synagogue”). Verse 17 is good place to end the pericope. The form changes again (parable, miracle story, parable). The word “therefore” comes in v. 18. That prompts the question, “Why is it there?” The teaching continues through two parables through v. 20. Verses 10-17 stand on own and interpret the verses around them. Luke intrudes on Jesus’ narrative (minor break by Luke in v. 18). A new problem is presented in v. 18. Luke 13:10-17 is a classic miracle story form (a type scene). In a type scene, like a miracle story, the author provides someone with a problem that Jesus heals and then he gets in trouble, which leads to conclusion. What Jesus does miracle-wise in Luke leads to praising and rejoicing. It is an account. Another way to look at this is that Luke 13:10-21 is some kind of section within Luke and there are two pericopes divided by an intrusion from the narrative and change of form.

Jesus: In this text Jesus is a teacher in the synagogue (not teaching through actions) (v. 10). In Luke though, teaching and miracles are side by side (Luke 4-9). Jesus authorized as a teacher in the synagogue (v. 1) (he was a standard speaker in synagogues) but the leader of the synagogue engages people and not Jesus (v. 14). The leader teaches Torah here (v. 14) and makes Jesus to a rebel, deviant because he does not do what was expected according to Torah. For the leader of the synagogue, he stepped outside the routine (which he can do because he is leaving the synagogue, teach elsewhere). Luke, the narrator, names Jesus “Kyrios” or “Lord” (v. 15). Luke is saying that Jesus is authorized by Luke – he uses that term (“Lord”) for God. Jesus not called healer in this text but heals.

Healing: The woman had a disabling spirit (v. 11) so was this a healing or an exorcism. Yes. In Luke, healing always has an “overcoming the devil” element. Luke is attributing illness of all kinds to Satan. He does not try to say that Satan is behind every trashcan but that there are two forces/purposes at work in the world: God and Satan, light and darkness. Has Satan taken a personal interest in this woman? No, not likely. But for Jesus to heal her is to push back the forces of Satan that hold her. For Luke, anything that works against God is evil. Luke suggesting that physical problem tied into the spiritual problem. Sinful actions lead to physical ailments, but physical ailments cannot lead to sinful actions. Cosmically, there is something wrong. Satan is at work in the world and Jesus is rolling back the purpose or work of Satan.

Leader of Synagogue: If you were looking for God’s mercy, where would you go on the Sabbath? To church or synagogue, yes? Jesus (the Lord) answered the leader of the synagogue with “you hypocrites” (v. 15). Hypocrite is a transliteration of a Greek word. It can mean “thespian” or “actor with a mask on a stick” (two-faced) in the Greco-Roman world. In the Jewish world (in Job or Maccabean) it could be “god-less,” meaning one who has so little understanding of God that even the things he or she tries to do, the directedness is even wrong. He or she doesn’t understand so all his or her attempts at godliness are misdirected; he or she can’t do anything right. Paul gets clarity about who Jesus is in his Damascus Road experience – not from being two-faced but from not understanding who God was. He said, “I was zealous for God,” then he received the revelation. There is a positive synagogue leader in Jairus (8:41) but here (13:14) is negative one. Luke will not let you categorize people. One question Luke wants answered: how will you respond to God’s grace in Jesus? Any categories become deconstructed for us.

The woman: What is her first problem? She is a woman. Her second problem? She has a visible illness. So what is her status? Her posture is representation of her status in the world – bent over (v. 11). She was a marginalized woman with an ailment: physical, social, cosmic, emotional, spiritual. What is her real problem? The physical issue or her problem in the community? The physical problem was not enough to cause the problem. This is about her marginalized place. Jesus’ real healing comes in v. 16. when he names her a daughter of Abraham. Jesus makes sure that we understand that this is not a bone problem; calling her name makes her whole. If you take care of animals on the Sabbath, how much more a daughter of Abraham? The Sabbath rules were based on interpretations of Leviticus, not Leviticus itself. The standards for priests were made for all people. Was the woman even there to be healed? Where was she standing? Jesus was in the front so he calls her into the public eye. The woman was healed and praising God (v. 13). She had restoration to community of God’s people. She gets a name from Jesus (daughter of Abraham). She had no name in the story until Jesus gives her one. In Luke 4:16-30 and 13:18-19, there is “proclaim release to the captives” and “send the oppressed away in release,” What has Jesus done in Luke 13? He took what was bound and set free.

Sabbath: When Luke says “Sabbath,” you know something big happens: healings, fulfillments of Isaiah. The question to ask here is, which Sabbath does the leader of the synagogue have in mind? The Deut. 5:15 or the Exodus 20:11? The Exodus Sabbath is interpreted in Second Temple Judaism eschatologically. Jesus interprets Sabbath differently. There are markers of Jewish identity and how you keep Sabbath is critical. Jesus says he is faithful to God. In the context of Exodus 19 and 20:1, which speaks in the context of liberation, Jesus sets this woman free.

Pictures of Pasadena

2008-05-28T16:32:00.001-07:00

I thought I should comment on the pictures that I'm posting to the right. They will be historic markers or interesting points in Pasadena.

This week is Fuller Theological Seminary. That is Payton Hall, one of the original buildings. So far I've had all my classes in the classroom extension to this building. The Seminary just celebrated 60 years this spring.

Last week's picture was the Rose Bowl, built in 1922. As a U of M/Big Ten football fan growing up, having the Rose Bowl in my backyard is pretty cool. Now I go jogging around it three days a week.

The first week's picture was the 1913 Colorado Street Bridge, also known as Suicide Bridge (can you guess why?). You see it when driving into Pasadena on the 134 highway, coming from anywhere west or north (pretty much the only direction I go - Burbank, Hollywood, Malibu, Simi Valley, etc.)

Read about it here: http://www.legendsofamerica.com/ca-suicidebridge.html

Summer School

2008-05-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

Just registered for my summer courses...

Waitlisted for the five-week Pentateuch intensive. So instead it looks like I'll do two distance learning courses, Biblical Foundation of Missions and Anthropology (one of the concentrations, I'm considering).

Doing two IDLs instead of two actual classroom courses sets me back in finishing my on-campus requirement by next June. But by next summer, I'll have more credits and should be able to get any summer on-campus courses I need to finish up the California portion of this journey.

These two IDLs will give me the freedom to hit Michigan for a few weeks this summer. Darling Elizabeth does turn 2 on July 31! And Aunt Jackie will be there!

Cheers!

LIFE IN CALIFORNIA // Cornerstone Simi Valley

2008-05-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

Take a break from seminary and look at life in California - starting with some reflections on my church.....

CORNERSTONE SIMI VALLEY
I love my church. The irony (?) is that I wouldn’t have known about Cornerstone if I hadn’t heard my pastor Francis Chan at Passion 07 in Atlanta which is where I also felt the Spirit begin moving me toward change – change that would become career change, school change, location change – and I would end up leaving Nashville (from Atlanta) one year later to the very day that I heard Francis speak. My life changed in one year, literally.

It was a no-brainer decision for me to go to Cornerstone when I moved out here. Francis has become one of my heroes and when I realized that Simi Valley was only 40 minutes away, I knew that was where I needed to spend my time in church while in California. Cornerstone’s vision for how church should be done as well as its commitment to give 50% of its entire income away to missions...what a place to learn. I have learned as much from Cornerstone as I have from Fuller. And it only takes two gallons of gas to get there.

Cornerstone has four services every Sunday and there are approx. 4,000 members currently. The church meets in a really nondescript building that is directly in the middle of a Simi Valley neighborhood. Many of its rooms are in buildings around it that are converted storefronts. For the most part if you drive around the block, you wouldn’t even know there was a church there. The people, the church itself, are just a bunch of normal people. There is nothing flashy about this place. It has the modern technology but it’s just simply not that flashy. I love this place. I feel so at home.

They just paid off the debt on the building (that story is probably on a podcast) and have property in Simi Valley that they are working on building an outdoor amphitheater as the new church building. They were going to build a larger sanctuary but felt convicted about spending all those dollars when people around the world were in need. So, they are building an amphitheater so the church can meet together at one time, with less debt and more money to give away. (How rad is that idea?) To be cold on a Sunday morning is a small price to pay for those suffering in other places, including in Los Angeles.

Most recently, they announced that the focus of Cornerstone was going back to that of the early church, where we needed to be involved directly and deeply in each other’s lives, no matter who, no matter where, no matter what. They divided the church up into a series of community groups based on where people live. For those of us who live outside Simi Valley, they also formed groups to represent the about 50 cities outside Simi. I joined the Burbank community group – the closest one to Pasadena. I've been to a couple Wednesday night "meetings," helped some folks move a couple Saturdays ago and have had dinner with a couple from the group.

Apparently there are about 30-40 people that drive to Simi from Burbank alone – and we all thought that we were the only ones. The people in this group are late 20s and 30s, single, newlyweds, soon-to-be new parents – and I’m friends with them already. I’m really looking forward to having them close by and off campus.

I'm also in the process of meeting about four other folks from Fuller who also drive to Cornerstone. Our first "Cornerstone Connection" group is tonight after C-stone's 7 p.m. service.

Not to be forgotten are the folks I’ve met in Collide, the young adults group at Cornerstone. We meet every other Friday night. This is the group I went backpacking with in the Grand Canyon – and will be backpacking with in Yosemite in August. I’ve gotten to know quite a few people here but mostly only see them at Collide or on Sundays. My friend Lena and I have started meeting for dinner on Tuesday nights. We meet in a central location as I drive home from Malibu and she drives home from N. Hollywood to Simi. It’s been really great having some sort of social life during the week. I think my other real good “friend find” in Collide is Crystal; she also lives outside Simi but in Santa Clarita which is still 40 minutes from me.

What I’m learning at Cornerstone: I’m getting a chance to apply what it means to serve my brothers and sisters, and together we’re now looking for ways to serve the community. I’m learning what church should look like and what the church should act like. What does it mean to come to church? Why are we there and who are we there for? It’s not about the individual. It should never be about what you get out of church. Have you heard it before? The church doesn’t exist within walls. The church moves outside the walls. We are the church. God is love – we have God in us – we should be reflecting that love, shouldn’t we? What’s our attitude in church? Why are we going?

SPIRITUALITY AND MISSION // A portion of my spiritual autobiography

2008-05-18T17:09:00.000-07:00

For my Spirituality and Mission class, we had to write a 5-7 page spiritual autobiography. I found it very difficult to narrow it down to 5-7 pages. I have so much to write, so many stories, so many important people that need to be honored for their role in my life. Leading up to this assignment, I had been thinking about writing a book - and now I'm certain it should happen, someday.

In the meantime, here's a portion of my paper:

It was July 1977. My family stopped to visit my dad’s parents when returning from vacation. During the visit my grandparents’ dog attacked me as my 6-year-old sister Jennifer and I (only 18 months) pet it. It pushed me over and grabbed my face (picture small face in dog’s mouth). The dog clamped on so tightly that my dad had to quite forcibly yank the dog off me. “He was so upset that he wanted to rip the dog in two,” remembers my mom. “It was a pretty wild scene.” As my parents raced some 30 minutes to the hospital in Grand Rapids, I fell asleep in my mom’s arms. She remembers thinking that I was dead. I was not. Sixty stitches and reconstructive surgery around my mouth and chin left permanent reminders of the close call though. I was hospitalized for a week until doctors removed the stitches but it was a year before the swelling disappeared. Today I look in the mirror and see the scars. The event won’t replay in my mind; I was too young for the memory. But when I see the scars, I absolutely know that I am in God’s story.

BORN DUTCH, CHARISMATIC BY DEFAULT
Western Michigan – a Midwestern Bible Belt. Grand Rapids, Michigan – a Mecca for all things Christian. Zondervan Publishers, Family Christian Bookstores, Mars Hill Bible Church and Rob Bell, and Calvin College to name a few. Churches abound here. Seemingly everyone follows some faith tradition. In the South the Christian culture is heavily Southern Baptist, while in West Michigan it is heavily Christian Reformed. Families of Dutch descent (Van-this or Vander-that) are prevalent, including my maternal grandparents (making me half-Dutch). The Dutch are a conservative, religious group of people with a penchant for tradition. Metropolitan Grand Rapids reflected that. The culture in which I was raised was always attend church and always vote Republican. (It has literally taken me 31 years to finally become a Conservative Moderate.)

Both of my parents were raised in Grand Rapids but not raised in Christian homes, strangely enough. My dad and his six siblings were left to their own devices. Grandma Chapman was a devout Jehovah’s Witness and Grandpa Chapman was a devout alcoholic. Christianity and church going were not forced on my mom and three siblings. Grandpa Timmers did not have much use for organized church, and though he allowed Grandma Timmers to go, it was not something that stuck with the family.

Still, my parents were saved September 4, 1971, in their early 20s at a little Assembly of God church named Calvary Memorial. The church was a few miles down the street from my grandparents’ house where my mom grew up. My parents never looked back. My parents were saved in an AG church, in the charismatic tradition, and that became the tradition they followed. Our family left Calvary Memorial when I was almost four. Our new church, First Assembly of God, was all the way across town. It was late 1979, before the term “mega-church” was common; but even so, First Assembly was becoming that quickly. I don’t remember anything but it feeling normal from the start. I basically grew up at a mega-church in the Assemblies of God denomination. I was saved there at six and spent my elementary school to college years attending twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday, joining children’s choir, youth choir, youth trips. I was baptized by immersion in water at 13, prayed to receive the gift of tongues right after (which, according to the AG, should happen as “initial evidence”; mine took a week) and began to use tongues in private prayer and corporate worship.

By default, I am a Pentecostal Christian. I never questioned it growing up because I trusted my parents and I liked my church and the friends I had there. What I saw and learned made sense in the little Grand Rapids world that I knew. The conservative values and Christian faith fit in the mold of conservative West Michigan. I am still a Pentecostal Christian involved with an Assembly of God church because I studied and experienced the charismatic tradition on my own as an adult and I believe “being led by the Holy Spirit” brought me through every decision (good or bad) since leaving the “default” zone of my parents’ home.

RULE FOLLOWER
Much of my spiritual journey can be traced to an interesting characteristic. I am a rule follower. Something inside me forces me to do things (except the speed limit) by the book. Part of that is the influence of my parents. In the Chapman house, there was no dating until college, no movies, no secular music, no Halloween, no school dances. Drinking, smoking and drugs were on the unspoken list. Some might call this upbringing naïve or sheltered. I used to call it that until I thought about it. In retracing these steps, I realized that my life wasn’t sheltered in a negative sense, but in a positive sense. My life has been protected.

I can almost trace my decision for rule following to one night in junior high. I lied to my parents about going to a school dance. I was caught the same night. The expressions on their faces and their words of disappointment did me in for life. I made the decision right then to never lie to them again. And I haven’t. For real. How is a good question? I do not think that I could carry out a decision like that as a teenager without something or someone else at work in my life. I believe as my charismatic tradition informs me that it is the Spirit of Jesus at work in me, God’s child, to live out a life worthy of Jesus’ sacrifice for the glory of God.

I think my parents knew what growing up without protection was like. They didn’t allow that for their children. More important than the rules they established in their house was the prayer. Every morning from Kindergarten to 12th grade, before we walked out the door for school, my parents prayed for us with us. “Dear heavenly father, we love you. You are to be praised. Be with these children today. Keep them safe. Let them be your light to the world, to bring glory to name. Amen.” How clearly I hear those words. Every morning for 13 years. I am convinced that is how my parents raised three children who only very occasionally got in trouble, never rebelled and are all serving God in various vocations. I am convinced that my journey, living by the book, by God’s word, goes back to the protection of the Spirit and the audible prayers of my parents.

FORTY-FIVE MINUTES AWAY
Something in me wanted to move away from home and West Michigan for college. I ended up 45 minutes from home at Hope College in Holland, Mich. The most western part of Western Michigan. Even more Dutch people, including my roommate Jennifer, born and raised in Holland herself. A four-year private liberal arts college, Hope is affiliated with the Reformed Church of American (RCA). It is a conservative Christian college. It offered me the most financial aid. It was absolutely where I needed to be.

My faith finally proved to be my own in one my final courses at Hope, my senior seminar on pluralism. There I discovered a classroom of Hope students that could not say or did not want to say that confession of Jesus as Savior was the only means of salvation. I mistakenly thought the course would be more apologetics, rather than it be non-apologetics. For all the tears I shed in that class, that class was the key to my awakening. There were Christians in the world that thought other religions were just as valid for eternal salvation. That was news to me. My West Michigan church bubble popped. My faith in Jesus, my perspective on the church, my belief in who God was – everything I had been taught was challenged. It all suddenly needed to become my own. And it did. I learned to stand on my own two Christian feet in that class. I graduated in December 1997. One month later I moved to Nashville, Tenn.

SPIRITUALITY AND MISSION // Shane Claiborne

2008-05-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

Shane Claiborne wrote The Irresistible Revolution to convey what it means for Christian believers to become Jesus in the flesh now in America. I say “in America” because that is Claiborne’s context and his audience is the American church. He is American, born, raised and educated, and he resides and works in a community called The Simple Way in Philadelphia. He has experience in the America context through both urban community and the mega-church environment (Willow Creek in Chicago). He also adds experience and understanding to the topic through his travels and work in India and Iraq. Claiborne tells his and other people’s stories to express the ways in which the American church is and is not making a difference in society and culture today. He wants to awaken Christian believers to think outside tradition and to look outside church walls to see what needs surround them in their communities. He writes in a manner that does not condemn the Church entirely for its past and current track record but he does not leave much wiggle room for Christian believers to finish his book and not change the direction or focus of their faith in action. Claiborne celebrates “the least of these” through his stories while petitioning the Church to be the Church and to do something, whatever possible, to help the needy, the forgotten and the misunderstood.

Several friends recommended this book to me when it first came out but I never got around to reading it. What a perfect opportunity to read it now – as a required reading for class. I had a few misgivings as I started the book because so many people I know had read it, enjoyed it, praised it but never changed their patterns of living. I was wary about jumping on any bandwagon (for me, I think of Blue Like Jazz, Velvet Elvis, same deal there). As I read the book though, Claiborne’s story resounded with me more than I expected – perhaps because, since being at Fuller and at my new church in Simi Valley, my perspectives on the American church and the job of Christian believers has been enlightened and expanded. If I picked up The Irresistible Revolution back when friends first recommended it, it might not have meant what it does today. I have a greater appreciation and understanding and desire to apply what Claiborne talks about in the book now than I would have had in the past. The book gives me examples of how Christian believers are applying the Jesus’ words to their context and environment. My future ministry might not match what Claiborne & Company do in Philly, nor might I find myself participating in sit-ins and protests, but based on the “model” of Jesus shown, I can find ways to apply the same Jesus principles to my context of America in Tennessee. Halfway through the book, I remember thinking, “Will he condemn the entire history or the work of every American church? Will this turn out to be one of those negative books?” Right after thinking that, Claiborne said something like, “I’m not saying every church is wrong or that no one is doing this.” That made me happy.

The application for missions in The Irresistible Revolution places the burden or weight on the American church (though “burden” and “weight” are strong words). Claiborne offers these stories as a challenge and encouragement to the American church to begin thinking beyond programs and buildings to reach souls, and to begin thinking about seeking out and providing practical life needs within local communities. I think this can extend to global missions, too, where churches can become involved in what Christian believers (indigenous and expatriate missionaries) are doing around the world.

NT1 THE GOSPELS: Interpretive Assignment Mark 1:1-15

2008-05-18T15:17:00.000-07:00

Dr. Green requires two interpretive assignments from four texts from the Gospels. My first one was on Mark 1:1-15. No research required. Here is what I found in my close reading of the text:

Verses 1-15 are the correct verses for this pericope. Verse 1 is obviously the beginning of the Gospel according to Mark. There is no earlier place to begin the reading. The beginning even uses the word “beginning” (v. 1). Verse 15 is a proper end to the text. The word “gospel” or “good news” (v. 1) is repeated twice in vv. 14-15, creating bookends. The focus of the story changes in v. 16 as Jesus is in a new location (“along the Sea of Galilee”) and new characters are introduced, as Jesus calls the first disciples (vv. 16-20).

Verse 1 is not a complete sentence. It sounds like a full statement but is not a complete sentence. Mark’s writing will tell the story of the good news of Jesus Christ. Mark uses the title Christ (anointed, Messiah) alongside the name Jesus, which indicates that Mark sees a larger story than just a man Jesus happening. Translations include (or footnote) “Son of God” (v. 1), bringing God into the story. Is v.1 only meant for what Mark includes in vv. 2-15 or for the entire Gospel? The use of the word “beginning” could be simply for this opening section because it sets up vv. 2-15. One clue as to v. 1 being intended for only this text is the use of “gospel” (vv. 1, 14-15). Using v. 1 as the introduction to this text, rather than the whole Gospel, leads to a close reading of the text in which Mark tells what he believes to be the actual beginning of the good news about Jesus. It creates a prologue to the rest of the Gospel.

Verses 1-15 are a narrative. The OT echoes (Mal. 3:1; Isa. 40:3) introduce John and Jesus (v. 4). Mark also then introduces Jesus through the work of John (v. 9). From that point the story builds on Jesus: his baptism (v. 9), revelation from God (vv. 10-11) and temptation by Satan (vv. 12-13). The climax comes with Jesus’ proclamation and the start of his ministry (vv. 14-15). The theme of the prologue is that Jesus was the Son of God and brought the kingdom of God to earth so that humanity could become a part of it. God’s work is ongoing and Jesus is here to proclaim that. That is summarized (v. 15): “‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel’” (ESV). Mark explains to the degree he believes necessary who Jesus is and from where he came with a focus on the baptism of Jesus rather than the birth and childhood. Mark begins with Jesus as an adult, following the expectations of ancient biography.

Keywords are “voice,” “proclaiming,” “wilderness,” “repentance,” “gospel,” “after,” “Spirit” and “baptism.” “Voice” (v. 3) cited from Isaiah is “crying” (or calling?) and later Jesus comes into Galilee “proclaiming” (v. 14). “Proclaiming” (v. 7) is paralleled with “voice” (v. 11). “Wilderness” (vv. 3-4) appears in the OT reference and in reference to John and later twice in reference to Jesus sent to the wilderness by the Holy Spirit after his baptism (vv. 12-13). Repentance is linked to baptism by John (v. 4) and repent (v. 15) becomes part of Jesus’ message. Gospel (v. 1) is repeated twice in vv. 14-15. John uses the phrase “after me” (v. 7) in his preaching and Mark begins Jesus’ public proclamation or the start of his ministry “after John was arrested” (v. 14). Spirit or Holy Spirit (vv. 10, 12) is introduced. Baptism (baptizing, baptized) appears twice in v. 4, twice in v. 8 and once in v. 9.

Baptism is the central action of Mark’s prologue. The story centers around the two main human characters baptizing (John) or being baptized (Jesus). Mark must believe baptism is an important feature of the Jesus story as he uses the event to introduce Jesus. The baptism by John is “of repentance of the forgiveness of sins” (v. 4). Why does Jesus come to be baptized if he was sinless? No mention of Jesus’ sinless nature is made in this text, unless the revelation of God (vv.10-11) counts (“You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.”). Even there, Mark appears to give his audience information that perhaps John heard (or anyone else present at Jesus’ baptism, which is unclear in the text). Mark writes, “And when he (Jesus) came up out of the water, immediately he (still Jesus?) saw the heavens being torn open and the Spirit descending on him (Jesus) like a dove” (v. 10). This text reads as if Jesus was the only character to see or hear this event. “And a voice came from heaven, ‘You (Jesus) are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased’” (v. 11). God speaks directly to Jesus. Did Mark believe that Jesus was the only one who heard that? What does that mean for the rest of the Gospel? No one was aware of Jesus as the Son of God if Jesus only heard the words of God. And even if one were to think that John heard or saw, he was removed from center stage in vv. 14-15.

Verse 12 then immediately moves Jesus from baptism in the Jordan to the wilderness, where he faces Satan and angels minister to him. The temptation of Jesus is only given a summary but the mention of the Holy Spirit, Satan and angels introduces a story in the divine or spiritual realm outside the physical realm alongside the wild beasts.

Why was John out in the wilderness? There is no background on John given here outside the OT reference “as it is written” (v. 2) then “John appeared” (v.4). Does Mark’s audience know the significance of John? Is Mark setting his Jesus story in the world beyond Jerusalem (or Israel) by describing John out in the wilderness, dressed in camel hair and a leather belt (v. 6)? Mark describes John as living outside (apart from) the Temple and Jerusalem, eating locusts and wild honey. The wilderness could describe anything outside the city, not necessarily a no-man’s land of wilderness. Jesus’ movement into the wilderness was described as being with wild animals (v. 13) though. Mark’s prologue begins with Jesus receiving a “secret” word from God and emerging from the wilderness, as if he appears from nowhere with an aura of mystery around him.

The OT texts given (vv. 2-3) in the ESV, NIV, RSV and NASB all use “in Isaiah the prophet” (v. 2). Typically there is a footnote that remarks “in the prophets,” which would fit better as the quotation in v. 2 is Malachi 3: 1, and verse 3 comes from Isaiah 40:3. Isaiah 40:3 is cited differently in Mark 1:3 than in the original. Isaiah 40:3 says, “The voice of one calling: ‘In the desert prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God’” (NIV). In Mark 1:3, the break comes after “in the desert” rather than after “calling”: “a voice of one calling in the desert, ‘Prepare the way for the Lord….’” The voice as cited in Mark 1:3 sounds as if it is coming from the desert, whereas the voice in Isaiah is merely a voice calling about preparations to be made in the desert. A reference to the desert or wilderness and a reference from a prophet would have an impact on a Jewish audience. Who was Mark’s audience? Can this subtle change in the reference be traced anywhere? The reference as it reads in the Gospel according to Mark sets up the story for John to be in the wilderness or desert calling for the preparation for the Lord. Such a citation works to Mark’s advantage in this prologue as it sets up the entrance of Jesus (v. 9), and that is what this text is about.

SPIRITUALITY AND MISSION // Reflection Paper

2008-05-11T18:02:00.001-07:00

The first reflection paper I did for Spirituality and Mission was based on an article by Eugene Peterson entitled "Seminary as a Place of Spiritual Formation." Quite interesting. Our TA who grades the papers said that most everyone in the class (70 or so) were pretty much in the same place and probably didn't know it. That we were all struggling with our spirituality and feeling spiritually less-than-fulfilled while in seminary....

Here's my paper:
Homoousian vs. homoiousian. Of same substance vs. of similar substance. Words introduced to me last fall in Early Church History at the start of my seminary studies. I was excited, ready to study and work toward a career change. My first two courses online went well. I was challenged and encouraged as I did my coursework and immediately applied it to ministry. My spiritual environment and church community were still intact and in daily and weekly use. This is good, I thought.

Then I moved to Pasadena in January to start my on-campus requirement. To say that the move threw my spirituality into a tizzy is a tad overdramatic but there are days that it feels exactly that way. I followed God’s lead as he moved me across the country and worked out every detail in perfect timing (as is his way). He just gave me the simple task of tying up loose ends. Still, I found myself in Pasadena in a tiny apartment (compared to a whole house in Nashville) where I didn’t have but one old friend close at hand, I was in need of a new church community and I was forced to create a new work schedule that lived in harmony with classes and homework.

Balancing a job in the “God-forsaken” music industry with two time-consuming courses left my soul asking, “What have you done to me? Do you remember me at all?” Perhaps halfway through winter quarter, I stopped. I sat down to consider all the parts of my new and old world that needed attention. I looked at my schedule to set boundaries so my student person and career person did not overtake my spiritual person. I found that my spiritual person, my soul, required more than Christian academics and Christian community for its nourishment. Both of those fed my soul, kept it alive in a sense, but they weren’t nourishing it – like I was eating ice cream and calling it my dairy allowance for the day.

Since my assessment, I am more aware of what I’m feeding my soul. It’s still not consistently great but I’m working on it. I’m aware of the need and I’m continually asking the Spirit to guide me and aid me. My spirit and my soul continually feel more hopeful about being in seminary as I become more settled in Southern California, more connected to my church community, meeting new people on campus and in a good routine with my jobs; they are catching up to where my brain already is.

The Eugene Peterson article made me sigh with relief. I’m not the only one that feels this way! This is not uncommon. There is community to be found in this seminary struggle. I also like what he says about the difficulty everyone has talking to God no matter the condition of life. Seminary is only one condition, one place and it gives me a certain setting for spiritual formation right now. There are other conditions as well. Not only will I experience different conditions at some point but I will also be in a position to help others look at their conditions and how their spiritual formations develop there.

I also discovered a way to identify this “intellectual cancer” to be aware of its existence so as to recognize and challenge its existence in me. I am a writer and editor by trade so I love words. They’re pretty much my life and Peterson’s description of the words Logos, logoi and logismos will be used routinely in my seminary studies now. I can and should take the time to look at words and subjects, and place them within the correct categories above for sanity in my brain and for peace in my soul. What is the Word of God, what words describe that Word and what words get in the way? Peterson’s reminder about bringing every thought captive will hopefully keep my brain from being overwhelmed and my soul from running amuck.

[I have the Peterson article in a PDF if interested.]

SPIRITUALITY AND MISSION

2008-05-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

The missions course for this term. Looking at the various streams of Christian tradition and how they come together: holiness, contemplative, charismatic, evangelical, social justice and incarnational. We are also reading books from Desmond Tutu on the forgiveness and healing in South Africa post-apartheid and a book on compassion from Henri Nouwen. I read Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne - that will require it's own blog.

So far this course has led us to look at our own spiritual journey (I’m in the process of working on my spiritual autobiography) and how our context growing up has brought us to Fuller and how what we learn at Fuller will be applied to our future context. The further we get into the course, the more interesting it becomes. I don’t really have any specifics on this course because it keeps building. I also think most of what I’m getting out of this class is actually coming through my life outside Fuller....

NEW TESTAMENT: THE GOSPELS

2008-05-11T17:27:00.000-07:00

NEW TESTAMENT: THE GOSPELS
Covering The Gospels. Professor is Dr. Joel B. Green. A NT scholar that just started teaching at Fuller. Previously he was up at Asbury Seminary in Lexington. (See, it’s a good thing that I didn’t listen to you and go there, Aaron. I would have missed out on Joel Green and that would have been, quite literally, a tragedy.) Three things about him: he’s smart and he’s funny and he’s a great teacher. I’m really enjoying this class. We have five weeks left, so you should be hearing more about this class.

I like the assignments he’s giving us. No exams. We have two book reviews to write and two interpretative assignments chosen from four passages he’s chosen from the four Gospels. And then one final paper, an exegesis on one of those four passages. The interpretative assignments are close readings of the text – no outside research required. In the first one I chose, Mark 1:1-15, I discovered so much as I just focused on that text for a couple days. Things I never saw before. It was amazing. And then the day it was due, we spent class time going through it together, and there were some more things I didn’t even get to in my 1300 words.

One thing that stands out so far comes from Matt. 25:31-46, the sheep and the goats. Who are “the least of these”? Most often “the least of these” comes out as the poor and needy. But could “the least of these” here be our brothers, Christian brothers....missionaries? Are we taking care of the missionaries?

He also brought up the matter of the “sea” while we were discussing Jesus the miracle worker in Mark. As I learned in NT2, in Revelation, the sea is where evil came from, the beast came from the sea. Dr. Green said the root of that word for “sea” also means chaos or evil. The sea is evil, produces chaos, which is why it “will be no longer.” And what about Jesus walking on water. He has conquered evil already...walking on the water. The storm and the seas respond to his “peace, be still” or “be quiet!” Leviathan was defeated in Isaiah 27:1.

NEW TESTAMENT: ACTS - REVELATION

2008-05-11T17:16:00.000-07:00

Covered exactly what the title says, Acts to Revelation. This course was led by a brilliant Pauline scholar. We spent most of our time in Acts, Romans, Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Hebrews and Revelation. For all the books we looked at authorship and dating based on contents, etc. Nothing that I can’t look up later in the books that we had to buy for class.

Romans: One of our papers was on the purpose of Romans. It actually turned out to be interesting research. My conclusion: Paul wrote Romans for missionary, pastoral and apologetic purposes. I got an A. I understood the missionary and pastoral purposes beforehand; researching the apologetic purpose was new. The idea that Paul was heading to Jerusalem with the offering from the Gentile churches and was using Romans as a practice run for what he was going to say...sweet. Put all three parts together and read Romans...sweet.

Read Paul’s letters in order: 1 Thess, Gal, Phil, Phlm, 1 Cor, 2 Cor, Rom

Revelation: This was my favorite part of Dr. Kim’s lecture. I think he actually became more animated in this part of the course. Maybe that was because he was almost done teaching us, I don’t know. But his description of the structures within Revelation was absolutely fascinating. The most fascinating part: "And the sea will be no more." Still makes me shake my head in amazement. (And my New Testament professor this quarter Dr. Green – another brilliant man – touched on this recently, too.) Have you ever thought about why "the sea will be no more"?

The new creation in Rev 21 is more than a restoration of original creation. For in it there will be “no longer any sea,” whereas in the first creation the “sea,” the primeval source of evil (cf. 13:1), remained as the potential threat to the cosmos (Gen 1:2; 7:11). Check out Isaiah 27:1.

GLOBAL EVANGELICAL MOVEMENT

2008-05-11T17:04:00.000-07:00

Covered the history of the evangelical movement from the Wesley brothers and Jonathan Edwards to 20th C. movements around the globe. We ended in South Korea with Paul Yonggi Cho. This was a class that I wish would have been in a semester format, rather than the quarter format. It felt like we were flying through everything – including the reading. I could barely keep up – and then I gave up after the required reflection papers on the reading were turned in. By that time we were knee-deep in reading for the final 15-20 page paper on the topic of our choosing.

My final paper was on Walter Rauschenbusch, leader of the social gospel in the early 20th C. I spent a lot of time reading biographies and articles on the man, as well as many of his writings that included his theology for the social gospel. I discovered that I didn’t necessarily agree 100% with all of his beliefs/theories re: the social gospel. But I did learn a great deal about working for the justice of the poor and oppressed. I was left wrestling with the question: what’s the balance between believing the Kingdom of God is already here now and believing that we are working for the Kingdom of God that is yet coming? How much change can be effected now and how much change do we wait for? Tenets of the social gospel are not what I was taught growing up but there is truth and worth in them - a balance needs to be found. As Rauschenbusch said, “The Kingdom is always, but coming.”

Book I recommend: Biography on Walter Rauschenbusch by Paul Minus.

Those of us with AG roots trace those to Azusa, which is 25 minutes from Fuller. How many Pentecost Sundays did I see the illustration about the Azusa Street Revival? I don’t know – quite a few. Now I have the rest of the story, I guess you could say. Granted, it wouldn’t have been that hard to find a book about the whole event to read up on it but alas, I decided to pay a large sum of money for a class. (I guess that could be the case for any of these classes I am taking – there must be something more to this learning than just reading.) Knowing that the AG is and has been predominantly led by white men in the U.S. since its inception is one thing – but to actually stop and consider in class and in readings how racist it was...well, it could drive me crazy if I let it. I’m still AG. What the Pentecost Sunday illustration never told us was that the similar things were happening around the world around the same time. Americans like to take credit for everything. And granted, the Azusa revival was a significant event in the evangelical church in America and it did lead to the formation of denominations including the AG but let's remember there is a whole globe to explore.

Who is an evangelical? Anyone who believes that lives need to be changed (conversion), the expression of the gospel in effort (activisim), regard for the Bible (biblicism) and stress on Christ’s sacrifice on the cross (cross-centered). Are there Christians out there who are these things but wouldn’t call themselves evangelicals (especially in America)? And vice versa, are there Christians who call themselves evangelicals but don’t look like the four things above?

What happens when the number of evangelical Christians in non-Western Churches outnumber those in the Western Churches? Wait, do they already? What happens when the Western Church looks at the world through that paradigm? What if we’re not in control of something?

Are short-term mission trips a good thing? Effective?

For those interested

2008-05-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

I was going to email updates about what I'm learning at school and in California.

Those updates were becoming too long.

Too many thoughts were coming to mind.

I thought a central location would be a better idea.

I've had numerous blogs and sites going for some time now.

This one will be kept to itself.

Special.

You're invited.