I got a good education at Fuller. It's costing me a pretty penny but I'm deciding it'll be worth every penny as I pay back the loans.
The biggest reason I'm glad I took this journey are the people I met. I want to make a list of names but I feel bad about starting the list with one person or another. Everyone holds a unique place. Still, you have to start somewhere: Lara, Laura, Dianne, Libby, Dan, Tim, Kristin, Eric, Jessica, Kevin, Michael, David, Dave, Lois, Jeff, Adrienne, Lindsay, Justin, Antonia....
Fond memories of Taco Tuesdays, earthquakes, two-week intensives, Thursday night TV, LOST parties, Friday night happy hour at Magnolia, U2 at the Rose Bowl, sushi, late nights at Yardhouse, impromptu ice cream socials, community group, Dream Center, Big Bear, Starbucks at Paseo, group work with dead weight, Cornerstone in Simi Valley, and of course, the Tim Tam Slam.
As I stand on the edge of "what in the world is next" and "how do I put this education to good use," I thought, "Man, I spent a lot of money on this degree. Was it worth it?" And I just came to the conclusion that it was worth it. Simply by the fact that I am cherishing these friendships and the memories of both living in L.A. and the times since, I wouldn't change the past, I cannot regret the dollars spent on grad school. These people have inspired and challenged me and whether they know it or now, they are helping me change, shaping me every day.
And they make me laugh. Every day.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
LIFE IN TENNESSEE // Where Have I Been For the Last Year?
I recently came to the realization that I spent the last year hiding. And now I’m starting to admit it and talk about it and try to make sense of it.
I spent the last year hiding, not wanting to know or be known. Not knowing where I belonged and not wanting to figure it out.
I moved back to Nashville from L.A. in June 2009 but in the year that I’ve “been back,” I haven’t really been back. I didn’t settle back into life in Nashville. I traveled here and there and anywhere so I didn’t have to be “at home” in Nashville, so I didn’t have to figure out where I belonged. Granted, many of my trips were legitimate – for school, work and family – but I also really didn’t want to be around life in Nashville, so I just kept going.
One reason I kept moving: I wasn’t sure where I fit in anymore. Things changed in Nashville and I changed while outside Nashville. I wasn’t and I’m still not sure where I fit in but I’m ready to figure it out.
Another (related) reason I kept moving: I wasn’t sure what I learned about myself that I wanted to share with others. I needed to process a lot of information, experiences and thoughts and I didn’t have the time to do that – what with working full-time and going to school. So, I just kept going, to get things done, to do my work, to fill my time, to keep myself from processing.
The title of this blog, “Learning,” fits as well now post-grad school classes as it did when I started keeping notes while in school in 2008. And the song lyrics that inspired me then sound even more like me now:
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet toward home, a land that I've never seen. I am changing: less and less asleep, made of different stuff than when I began. And I have sensed it all along, fast approaching is the day.
- “Shadowfeet” by Brooke Fraser
A “home, a land” in one sense means “heaven” to me. But now it also means this place I live in, this city and community that I am a part of, in Nashville. It’s a land that looks different now. I feel like I’ve been walking and stumbling my way back to it, traveling and hiding from it.
And I’m finding more comfort in the line “made of different stuff than when I began.” For a while I just thought that meant I was learning stuff, learning theology and missiology and meeting new people, making new friends, living in new places and finding a new identity.
But recent realizations have shown me that I was afraid to show what I learned and how I changed while in school and in L.A. and in all those cities in between. I was a little afraid of and being a little selfish with the lessons and the experiences and the realizations that I’d gathered in the last couple of years. I was afraid of some not-so-great choices that I made or “radical” ideas that I’d collected. I didn’t want to explain myself. I just wanted to be accepted and known. But that’s not always possible. Some things need to be explained; some things need to be accepted. But either way, they have to be shown, revealed, shared. I need to allow that “different stuff” to be seen. Because it’s those things that have “made” me. It’s a new me, a new identity, which was something I felt developing as I even started this journey in L.A. in January 2008.
“I have sensed it all along….” These things, these feelings have been bubbling under the surface and I’ve put them off. But it’s time. That day is approaching when I’m going to be known by others and I’m going to seek knowing others – to the best degree that I can. I still don’t know when that day is arriving but…. I have always been a very private person, held my cards close to my chest, kept that poker face in place. And I don’t think that’s going to be changing much. There might be a couple more people in that inner circle but not many, I’m afraid. I’m still pretty selective but I’m learning.
So, I’m coming out of hiding. I’m going to start processing, asking questions of myself, of others, of God, sharing what I’ve learned in theology and missiology, and through my travels and experiences. Let’s see how it goes.
I spent the last year hiding, not wanting to know or be known. Not knowing where I belonged and not wanting to figure it out.
I moved back to Nashville from L.A. in June 2009 but in the year that I’ve “been back,” I haven’t really been back. I didn’t settle back into life in Nashville. I traveled here and there and anywhere so I didn’t have to be “at home” in Nashville, so I didn’t have to figure out where I belonged. Granted, many of my trips were legitimate – for school, work and family – but I also really didn’t want to be around life in Nashville, so I just kept going.
One reason I kept moving: I wasn’t sure where I fit in anymore. Things changed in Nashville and I changed while outside Nashville. I wasn’t and I’m still not sure where I fit in but I’m ready to figure it out.
Another (related) reason I kept moving: I wasn’t sure what I learned about myself that I wanted to share with others. I needed to process a lot of information, experiences and thoughts and I didn’t have the time to do that – what with working full-time and going to school. So, I just kept going, to get things done, to do my work, to fill my time, to keep myself from processing.
The title of this blog, “Learning,” fits as well now post-grad school classes as it did when I started keeping notes while in school in 2008. And the song lyrics that inspired me then sound even more like me now:
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet toward home, a land that I've never seen. I am changing: less and less asleep, made of different stuff than when I began. And I have sensed it all along, fast approaching is the day.
- “Shadowfeet” by Brooke Fraser
A “home, a land” in one sense means “heaven” to me. But now it also means this place I live in, this city and community that I am a part of, in Nashville. It’s a land that looks different now. I feel like I’ve been walking and stumbling my way back to it, traveling and hiding from it.
And I’m finding more comfort in the line “made of different stuff than when I began.” For a while I just thought that meant I was learning stuff, learning theology and missiology and meeting new people, making new friends, living in new places and finding a new identity.
But recent realizations have shown me that I was afraid to show what I learned and how I changed while in school and in L.A. and in all those cities in between. I was a little afraid of and being a little selfish with the lessons and the experiences and the realizations that I’d gathered in the last couple of years. I was afraid of some not-so-great choices that I made or “radical” ideas that I’d collected. I didn’t want to explain myself. I just wanted to be accepted and known. But that’s not always possible. Some things need to be explained; some things need to be accepted. But either way, they have to be shown, revealed, shared. I need to allow that “different stuff” to be seen. Because it’s those things that have “made” me. It’s a new me, a new identity, which was something I felt developing as I even started this journey in L.A. in January 2008.
“I have sensed it all along….” These things, these feelings have been bubbling under the surface and I’ve put them off. But it’s time. That day is approaching when I’m going to be known by others and I’m going to seek knowing others – to the best degree that I can. I still don’t know when that day is arriving but…. I have always been a very private person, held my cards close to my chest, kept that poker face in place. And I don’t think that’s going to be changing much. There might be a couple more people in that inner circle but not many, I’m afraid. I’m still pretty selective but I’m learning.
So, I’m coming out of hiding. I’m going to start processing, asking questions of myself, of others, of God, sharing what I’ve learned in theology and missiology, and through my travels and experiences. Let’s see how it goes.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Coming back...
I was going to post something new here when I noticed that my last entry was July 19, 2009. I've decided to work a few more days on the next post and add it July 19, 2010.
Let's see what a couple extra days bring.
Let's see what a couple extra days bring.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
LIFE IN NASHVILLE // In the Wake of a Move...
After a 30-hour drive from California, I settled back into my house in Nashville and hosted my sister and nephews for a week. Then the traveling kicked in. And over the course of the next few weeks, I hope to catch up here and talk about what's happening in life.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
If Jesus really is alive...
A thought from Theologizing in Mission class yesterday:
In interfaith dialogue there is always an elephant in the room: Jesus. But if Jesus really is alive, then the elephant really is in the room. Dialogue become trialogue.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Trying to figure out why I haven't posted here
As I try to figure out why I haven't posted much, chew on these....
“The truth is that the gospel escapes domestication, retains its proper strangeness, its power to question us, only when we are faithful to its universal, supranatural, supracultural nature—faithful not just to in words but in action, not just in theological statement but in missionary practices in taking the gospel across the cultural frontiers.”
- Leslie Newbigin, IBMR April 1988
“This stuff of mission isn’t our work; it’s God’s.”
- Doug McConnell
“In this sense the foreign missionary is an enduring necessity in the life of the universal church, but, of course, the missionary journeys have to be multidirectional and not—as in the former period—only from west to east and from north to south.”
- Leslie Newbigin, IBMR April 1988
"A calling that is not geographic."
- Doug McConnell
"God didn’t bring you here to take you out a cynic."
- Doug McConnell
“The truth is that the gospel escapes domestication, retains its proper strangeness, its power to question us, only when we are faithful to its universal, supranatural, supracultural nature—faithful not just to in words but in action, not just in theological statement but in missionary practices in taking the gospel across the cultural frontiers.”
- Leslie Newbigin, IBMR April 1988
“This stuff of mission isn’t our work; it’s God’s.”
- Doug McConnell
“In this sense the foreign missionary is an enduring necessity in the life of the universal church, but, of course, the missionary journeys have to be multidirectional and not—as in the former period—only from west to east and from north to south.”
- Leslie Newbigin, IBMR April 1988
"A calling that is not geographic."
- Doug McConnell
"God didn’t bring you here to take you out a cynic."
- Doug McConnell
Friday, October 3, 2008
CHURCH IN MISSION // Quote
The nation's motto, e pluribus unum -- out of many, one -- reveals both an early recognition of diversity and the value of unity arising from this diversity. But the motto also is sufficiently vague to leave room for debate and change over time.
~Michael Emerson, People of the Dream
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Watch What You Say
Blessings are not quite the same as prayers, because the person addressed is not God but other people. You look them in the eye, as it were, and say, ''Grace be to you.'' There is however a prayer-like quality, because implicit in the blessing is the appeal, ''O God, make these very words of mine a means of grace from you.'' (John Piper)
Hmmm. Wow. I'm more of a conduit of God's when I bless someone or say, ''Grace be to you.'' I'm actually asking God to open up a conduit of grace to them. And because we live by faith in future grace, those are powerful words to be uttering. I'm suddenly in on God's work, what he's doing in someone's life.
So when you say, ''God bless you'' or ''Grace be to you,'' remember what you're asking. Maybe say it more often...people need God's grace.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Faith by Future Grace
Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. (Matthew 6:32-33)
Monday, September 1, 2008
SPIRITUALITY & MISSION // The Jewish Sabbath
By way of information a typical Jewish Sabbath looks something like this:
Mid-afternoon on Friday observant Jews leave work to begin Sabbath preparations. Everything that is not done during Sabbath is readied and Sabbath begins at sunset. Sabbath candles are lit after a blessing is recited several minutes before sunset. The family then attends a brief evening service.
After service, the family returns for a leisurely, festive dinner. Before dinner, the man of the house recites Kiddush, a prayer over wine sanctifying Sabbath. The usual prayer for eating bread is recited over two loaves of challah and the family then eats dinner. After dinner, the birkat ha-mazon (grace after meals) is recited.
The next morning Sabbath services last from nine to noon. The family says Kiddush again and has another leisurely, festive meal. A typical afternoon meal is cholent, a very slowly cooked stew. Once birkat ha-mazon is done, the family studies Torah for a while, talks or does some other leisure activity. A third meal is required before the Sabbath is over.
Sabbath ends at nightfall, when three stars are visible, approximately 40 minutes after sunset. At the conclusion of Sabbath, the family performs a concluding ritual called Havdalah (separation, division). Blessings are recited over wine, spices and candles. Then a blessing is recited regarding the division between the sacred and the secular.
Mid-afternoon on Friday observant Jews leave work to begin Sabbath preparations. Everything that is not done during Sabbath is readied and Sabbath begins at sunset. Sabbath candles are lit after a blessing is recited several minutes before sunset. The family then attends a brief evening service.
After service, the family returns for a leisurely, festive dinner. Before dinner, the man of the house recites Kiddush, a prayer over wine sanctifying Sabbath. The usual prayer for eating bread is recited over two loaves of challah and the family then eats dinner. After dinner, the birkat ha-mazon (grace after meals) is recited.
The next morning Sabbath services last from nine to noon. The family says Kiddush again and has another leisurely, festive meal. A typical afternoon meal is cholent, a very slowly cooked stew. Once birkat ha-mazon is done, the family studies Torah for a while, talks or does some other leisure activity. A third meal is required before the Sabbath is over.
Sabbath ends at nightfall, when three stars are visible, approximately 40 minutes after sunset. At the conclusion of Sabbath, the family performs a concluding ritual called Havdalah (separation, division). Blessings are recited over wine, spices and candles. Then a blessing is recited regarding the division between the sacred and the secular.
SPIRITUALITY & MISSION // Sabbath in My Context
From my final paper:
Sabbath practice in my current context, Fuller Seminary, will establish a routine for Sabbath practice in my future context. So far in seminary, especially through “Spirituality and Mission,” I have added the power of a retreat and the insight of the Contemplative stream to my Sabbath practice in my current context.
The spiritual retreat taken this quarter opened my eyes to the “magic” found in simply taking time to break from the rat race. The time away and the garden setting allowed me to write out all the emotions, questions and prayers that were bottled up inside me. The retreat allowed me to breathe easier and for the first time in a long time, to just enjoy God. It was like Sabbath: a time to rest and a time to remember God and remember who I was in God.
Studying the different streams of the Christian tradition through Foster’s book Streams of Living Water was a learning experience. I recognized all the streams but had not considered the ones outside my own with very much depth. The Contemplative stream was one for which I gained new appreciation. I am not prone to consider monasticism too much; I am not called to live such a lifestyle. But the current situation of my life really connected with the quiet and calm that the Contemplative stream portrayed. Life so far in 2008 has been a whirlwind of sorts, often leaving my insides to ask, “What have you done to us?” Reading through “Practicing the Contemplative Tradition,” I feel the words “Sabbath rest, Sabbath rest, Sabbath rest” pounding on me over and over. Foster’s take on the Contemplative tradition reads as Sabbath rest to me. I feel like I could open these two pages every Sunday (or whenever my Sabbath might be) in whatever context I find myself, and there will be my Sabbath practice.
Beyond my time at Fuller, I am not quite sure what routine life will hold. I feel like I should be prepared for the “un-set” schedule. Still, the rhythm of Sabbath must be incorporated. After this study, I believe that it is not only a necessity but also a requirement. I see my Sabbath as including worship time, prayer, reading, perhaps naptime. Especially, I see blogging as part of my Sabbath practice as a means of reflection and remembrance.
For professional church workers the decision to find and take a Sabbath is often hindered by “their efforts to please God and their efforts to save the world.” As a speaker to the Church, I must remember that I am not her Savior and I am not her Provider. I must also remember the rhythm of rest goes back to God and creation. This rhythm “matches how we were created; only in its keeping can we truly flourish.”
Ministers often set apart a day other than Sunday as a “day off” or their “Sabbath.” As post-seminary life takes shape, a day that might not be Sunday will be set aside as my Sabbath.
Sabbath practice in my current context, Fuller Seminary, will establish a routine for Sabbath practice in my future context. So far in seminary, especially through “Spirituality and Mission,” I have added the power of a retreat and the insight of the Contemplative stream to my Sabbath practice in my current context.
The spiritual retreat taken this quarter opened my eyes to the “magic” found in simply taking time to break from the rat race. The time away and the garden setting allowed me to write out all the emotions, questions and prayers that were bottled up inside me. The retreat allowed me to breathe easier and for the first time in a long time, to just enjoy God. It was like Sabbath: a time to rest and a time to remember God and remember who I was in God.
Studying the different streams of the Christian tradition through Foster’s book Streams of Living Water was a learning experience. I recognized all the streams but had not considered the ones outside my own with very much depth. The Contemplative stream was one for which I gained new appreciation. I am not prone to consider monasticism too much; I am not called to live such a lifestyle. But the current situation of my life really connected with the quiet and calm that the Contemplative stream portrayed. Life so far in 2008 has been a whirlwind of sorts, often leaving my insides to ask, “What have you done to us?” Reading through “Practicing the Contemplative Tradition,” I feel the words “Sabbath rest, Sabbath rest, Sabbath rest” pounding on me over and over. Foster’s take on the Contemplative tradition reads as Sabbath rest to me. I feel like I could open these two pages every Sunday (or whenever my Sabbath might be) in whatever context I find myself, and there will be my Sabbath practice.
Beyond my time at Fuller, I am not quite sure what routine life will hold. I feel like I should be prepared for the “un-set” schedule. Still, the rhythm of Sabbath must be incorporated. After this study, I believe that it is not only a necessity but also a requirement. I see my Sabbath as including worship time, prayer, reading, perhaps naptime. Especially, I see blogging as part of my Sabbath practice as a means of reflection and remembrance.
For professional church workers the decision to find and take a Sabbath is often hindered by “their efforts to please God and their efforts to save the world.” As a speaker to the Church, I must remember that I am not her Savior and I am not her Provider. I must also remember the rhythm of rest goes back to God and creation. This rhythm “matches how we were created; only in its keeping can we truly flourish.”
Ministers often set apart a day other than Sunday as a “day off” or their “Sabbath.” As post-seminary life takes shape, a day that might not be Sunday will be set aside as my Sabbath.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
LIFE IN MICHIGAN // Still Alive
I have been enjoying family time in Michigan. More posts coming soon. I've been doing my homework and have come across some interesting items in both Anthropology and Biblical Foundation of Mission. PLUS, I still have words on Sabbath.
Friday, July 18, 2008
QUOTE // On Romans 8:28
The two conditions of Romans 8:28 are simply clarifications of what it really means to trust God for this great promise of future grace. Trusting him for this promise is not merely believing that he will work for your good. You can believe that and be wrong. It means looking through the promise to the one who promises, and by grace - that is, by his sovereign call - apprehending in him the spiritual worth and beauty that will go on satisfying your heart forever; and then embracing that beauty as your chief treasure above all that the world can give. This is the meaning of loving God, and this is the essence of faith in future grace. When you have this faith - when you fufill this condition by God's gracious call - God works all things together for your good.
~John Piper, 'Future Grace'
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
QUOTES
I let God out of the box and he got unpredictable. He sure got real big. God has really changed a lot since Sunday school.
God hasn't changed but I sure have.
~Dr. Charles Kraft
I think God lives in trees - because he's always pushing me out on limbs.
~Pastor friend of Dr. Kraft's
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
HE SAID, SHE SAID TOO // With the Help of Francis & Brooke
***This might not be a new thought but it’s at least a refresher. It’s something I’ve been dwelling on quite a bit in the last few weeks.
DESERT SONG
Words and Music by Brooke Fraser
This is my prayer in the desert when all that’s within me feels dry.
This is my prayer in my hunger and need. My God is the God who provides.
This is my prayer in the fire, in weakness or trial or pain.
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold so refine me, Lord, through the flame.
I will bring praise. I will bring praise. No weapon formed against me shall remain.
I will rejoice. I will declare. God is my victory and He is here.
This is my prayer in the battle when triumph is still on its way.
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ so firm on His promise I’ll stand.
All of my life in every season you are still God.
I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.
This is my prayer in the harvest when favor and providence flow.
I know I’m filled to be emptied again. The seed I’ve received I will sow.
© 2008 Sony/ ATV Music Publishing Australia (Aust. & NZ only), Hillsong Publishing (Rest of world)
Here is a story about “Desert Song” and the song performed:
This is a worship song coming out on the new Hillsong album This Is Our God. This is a good Sabbath song (more coming on Sabbath soon). But something I heard inside me when I was listening to this song: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28, ESV). And I thought about what “for good” meant – for the good of whom? For those who love God and for those called according to his purpose.
“Well,” I thought, “that puts us in the center of the story and we’re not the center of the story. God is.” So while God works all things together for good for us, there must be another step in which God’s name is known, in which God is prized above everything, in which “for good” takes on a bigger meaning than just comfort for us here on Earth. Isn’t that what we often take this verse to mean? That God is going to make a bad situation better, that he’s going to change up the bad hand you’ve been dealt, that he’s going to ease the pain here and now?
In the context of Romans 8, suffering is necessary to be a co-heir with Christ in his glory (vv. 16-17) (being a co-heir in glory is quite an image to ponder). Paul talks about creation groaning with the children of God as we wait for the day that we are released from pain, suffering, death and decay, and look forward to the new bodies and freedom that God promised. Not only that, but the Holy Spirit comes alongside us and groans. He helps us in our “distress” or “weakness” (v. 26). This distress or weakness is a continuation of us waiting for the glory that was promised, the freedom from these bodies. It’s not about a trial that comes upon us Monday morning at work. It’s a distress about awaiting the bigger picture “patiently” and “confidently” (v. 25). The good (v. 28) is about that fulfillment of the promise – not about a temporal or material good on Earth but an eternal good. We suffer here but “the good” doesn’t mean relief comes now. Relief comes when God sets us free from the body.
Then we have the question: What do we do with the suffering we experience now? “We suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him” (v. 17). How to handle suffering is also seen in Romans 8:28. God’s promise to work all things together for good is for those who (1) love him and (2) are called according to his purpose.
- Love him: The Shema is the most basic command: “Hear, O Israel, YHWH our God, YHWH is one; and you shall love YHWH your God.” Those who love God are the true Israel.
- Called according to his purpose: God’s purpose as seen throughout the Bible is to restore creation, to be the all-sufficient one, to have the glory of his name known throughout the Earth. His purpose for Israel was that the nation would show the praises of the one true God in the world.
God will accomplish the good (release from suffering, death and decay) for those who are the true Israel: those who love him and show his praises to the world. If we love him, we’ll do our job, our purpose, and we’ll praise him. Here God becomes the center of the story!
So then I hear songs like the above and I think that no matter the season, no matter what happens, I will praise, I will rejoice, I will declare. It could be famine, fire, battle or the good harvest, and I will praise because that is what I am called to do. My purpose is to show forth God’s praise to the world. I have victory in God and HE is here. God is my victory. That third verse (“This is my prayer in the battle…”) is Romans 8 – in the battle with suffering, this decaying life, as a child of God and co-heir with Christ, I can stand firm on the promise that God is working for the good, the ultimate good. That deserves a shout, a smile on the face, overwhelming gratitude and JOY! It shouldn’t matter what my situation looks like, because in every season I am to do one thing: praise.
It’s seems so obvious; why don’t more people get it? As my pastor Francis reminded us on Sunday, we know the ending – we win! (David Crowder Band said it a couple albums ago, too.) Francis said, “There should be an attitude of victory about us. There is no fear, no sting in death. I know how this thing ends. I know there is tragedy here but in the end we win. So why stress about world with pain? Do you walk in this kind of confidence? Do people look at you and see you as powerful, confident and not to be overtaken?”
He told the story of Solomon. Rather than asking God to get rid of all his enemies, Solomon asked for wisdom. He could have had all obstacles removed, all of his enemies wiped out, but instead Solomon asked for wisdom. We shouldn’t pray for obstacles to be removed but we should pray for wisdom. The easy way out would be to remove temptation but God wants us to be mature. Romans 5:3-4 says to rejoice in our sufferings because they are good for us.
“YES! That’s what I’ve been thinking!” I said to myself. Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen people walking in worry or defeat. I look around church and see people singing songs that speak volumes about God, his power, his greatness, his glory but look so blah while they’re doing it. I talk to friends that seemingly have very little passion for their church, for proclaiming the glory of God in their lives. And I think, “How can you say that the Spirit of God dwells in you but you look lifeless and act lifeless?”
Romans 8 closes with, “If God is for us, who can stand against us? Who will dare accuse us before God? What can separate us from the love of God? Nothing and no one can.” If we know that win and we know that death, life, angels, demons, fear, worries and the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love from us, then we should carry an attitude of power in us. We should be able to hear and/or sing the song above with absolute confidence, belief and power that God is the victor and the world needs to know about it.
DESERT SONG
Words and Music by Brooke Fraser
This is my prayer in the desert when all that’s within me feels dry.
This is my prayer in my hunger and need. My God is the God who provides.
This is my prayer in the fire, in weakness or trial or pain.
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold so refine me, Lord, through the flame.
I will bring praise. I will bring praise. No weapon formed against me shall remain.
I will rejoice. I will declare. God is my victory and He is here.
This is my prayer in the battle when triumph is still on its way.
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ so firm on His promise I’ll stand.
All of my life in every season you are still God.
I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship.
This is my prayer in the harvest when favor and providence flow.
I know I’m filled to be emptied again. The seed I’ve received I will sow.
© 2008 Sony/ ATV Music Publishing Australia (Aust. & NZ only), Hillsong Publishing (Rest of world)
Here is a story about “Desert Song” and the song performed:
This is a worship song coming out on the new Hillsong album This Is Our God. This is a good Sabbath song (more coming on Sabbath soon). But something I heard inside me when I was listening to this song: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28, ESV). And I thought about what “for good” meant – for the good of whom? For those who love God and for those called according to his purpose.
“Well,” I thought, “that puts us in the center of the story and we’re not the center of the story. God is.” So while God works all things together for good for us, there must be another step in which God’s name is known, in which God is prized above everything, in which “for good” takes on a bigger meaning than just comfort for us here on Earth. Isn’t that what we often take this verse to mean? That God is going to make a bad situation better, that he’s going to change up the bad hand you’ve been dealt, that he’s going to ease the pain here and now?
In the context of Romans 8, suffering is necessary to be a co-heir with Christ in his glory (vv. 16-17) (being a co-heir in glory is quite an image to ponder). Paul talks about creation groaning with the children of God as we wait for the day that we are released from pain, suffering, death and decay, and look forward to the new bodies and freedom that God promised. Not only that, but the Holy Spirit comes alongside us and groans. He helps us in our “distress” or “weakness” (v. 26). This distress or weakness is a continuation of us waiting for the glory that was promised, the freedom from these bodies. It’s not about a trial that comes upon us Monday morning at work. It’s a distress about awaiting the bigger picture “patiently” and “confidently” (v. 25). The good (v. 28) is about that fulfillment of the promise – not about a temporal or material good on Earth but an eternal good. We suffer here but “the good” doesn’t mean relief comes now. Relief comes when God sets us free from the body.
Then we have the question: What do we do with the suffering we experience now? “We suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him” (v. 17). How to handle suffering is also seen in Romans 8:28. God’s promise to work all things together for good is for those who (1) love him and (2) are called according to his purpose.
- Love him: The Shema is the most basic command: “Hear, O Israel, YHWH our God, YHWH is one; and you shall love YHWH your God.” Those who love God are the true Israel.
- Called according to his purpose: God’s purpose as seen throughout the Bible is to restore creation, to be the all-sufficient one, to have the glory of his name known throughout the Earth. His purpose for Israel was that the nation would show the praises of the one true God in the world.
God will accomplish the good (release from suffering, death and decay) for those who are the true Israel: those who love him and show his praises to the world. If we love him, we’ll do our job, our purpose, and we’ll praise him. Here God becomes the center of the story!
So then I hear songs like the above and I think that no matter the season, no matter what happens, I will praise, I will rejoice, I will declare. It could be famine, fire, battle or the good harvest, and I will praise because that is what I am called to do. My purpose is to show forth God’s praise to the world. I have victory in God and HE is here. God is my victory. That third verse (“This is my prayer in the battle…”) is Romans 8 – in the battle with suffering, this decaying life, as a child of God and co-heir with Christ, I can stand firm on the promise that God is working for the good, the ultimate good. That deserves a shout, a smile on the face, overwhelming gratitude and JOY! It shouldn’t matter what my situation looks like, because in every season I am to do one thing: praise.
It’s seems so obvious; why don’t more people get it? As my pastor Francis reminded us on Sunday, we know the ending – we win! (David Crowder Band said it a couple albums ago, too.) Francis said, “There should be an attitude of victory about us. There is no fear, no sting in death. I know how this thing ends. I know there is tragedy here but in the end we win. So why stress about world with pain? Do you walk in this kind of confidence? Do people look at you and see you as powerful, confident and not to be overtaken?”
He told the story of Solomon. Rather than asking God to get rid of all his enemies, Solomon asked for wisdom. He could have had all obstacles removed, all of his enemies wiped out, but instead Solomon asked for wisdom. We shouldn’t pray for obstacles to be removed but we should pray for wisdom. The easy way out would be to remove temptation but God wants us to be mature. Romans 5:3-4 says to rejoice in our sufferings because they are good for us.
“YES! That’s what I’ve been thinking!” I said to myself. Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen people walking in worry or defeat. I look around church and see people singing songs that speak volumes about God, his power, his greatness, his glory but look so blah while they’re doing it. I talk to friends that seemingly have very little passion for their church, for proclaiming the glory of God in their lives. And I think, “How can you say that the Spirit of God dwells in you but you look lifeless and act lifeless?”
Romans 8 closes with, “If God is for us, who can stand against us? Who will dare accuse us before God? What can separate us from the love of God? Nothing and no one can.” If we know that win and we know that death, life, angels, demons, fear, worries and the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love from us, then we should carry an attitude of power in us. We should be able to hear and/or sing the song above with absolute confidence, belief and power that God is the victor and the world needs to know about it.
Monday, July 7, 2008
QUOTE
We cannot know as God knows. Therefore, love. Accept those with differing opinions and practices as likely to be at least partly right. Be humble about one's own opinions and practices, since they are at least partly wrong. Love each other, whether or not we agree, for "to love is to obey the whole Law" (Rom. 13:10).
~Dr. Charles H. Kraft, Anthropology for Christan Witness
~Dr. Charles H. Kraft, Anthropology for Christan Witness
Sunday, July 6, 2008
QUOTE
The pleasure of pride is like the pleasure of scratching. If there is an itch one does want to scratch; but it is much nicer to have neither the itch nor the scratch. As long as we have the itch of self-regard we shall want the pleasure of self-approval; but the happiest moments are those when we forget our precious selves and have neither but have everything else (God, our fellow humans, animals, the garden and sky) instead.
~C.S. Lewis
Saturday, July 5, 2008
LIFE IN CALIFORNIA // Life Outside Tennessee
I just closed out my first six months here. Last Sunday it came to mind that I originally thought I would stay here six months and then go back to Nashville for six months, and then do it all over again.
Man, I can’t imagine going back right now. No offense to all my friends in Nashville but I really just can’t imagine being there right now. (I also haven’t fully recovered from the long three-day drive out here and am certainly not ready to make that trek again anytime soon.)
I guess it was easy to consider a 6-month/6-month trade-off when I hadn’t lived here yet. But as I watched life unfold here and there (Nashville), I realized there was more to this story than just coming out to get some courses done in California.
I was fine with moving to California. I knew that it had to happen eventually. I just didn’t think January 2008 would be the time. I wasn’t overly excited but I was fine with it. I knew that it was God leading me, which gave me confidence. I believed it was part of the story that he’s telling through me. And even in the moments of doubt, peace came. When moments of doubt came, I would think about the alternative to moving: staying. And the thought of staying in the same situation, going to work everyday, doing schoolwork and filling in any gaps with freelance, church, friends, etc., filled me with dread and agony. The best way to say it is that if I had stayed, I would have been miserable. Not because I was anticipating something so great in California, but because I knew I was supposed to leave. So to stay would have been wrong.
Yet I didn’t fully understand what it meant to leave. It wasn’t just about being in school and working towards a different career path. It wasn’t so much about going as it was about leaving. And it took me a while to see and accept exactly what was up.
It was interesting to see how life unfolded back home shortly after I left. My church merged with another church, for one. The church I had been attending and done ministry with suddenly looked different and pretty foreign to me. That led to thoughts of perhaps staying in California longer than short-term. Then some different things happened in the life of my best friend and I was thousands of miles away and felt completely unable to help. It was so frustrating. I was frustrated with the situation and I was frustrated with God for taking me so far away at just the point that I felt I could be really useful. I didn’t get it. I was upset, confused, separated but I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel homesick. There was no regret. So I said, “God, tell me. Tell me what all this means. Because I have some mixed feelings.”
And God’s cool. He reminded me that he wanted me in California and that the idea of staying in Nashville didn’t sit right with me. I would think again about the option of staying in Nashville and I knew that wouldn’t have been right. I felt the question, “If you had known this would happen, if given the choice, would you have stayed?” And I answered confidently in him, “No, no, I still would have left. I could not stay.”
And so God led me to the perspective that this journey to California wasn’t about going. It was about leaving. Leaving the world as I knew it Nashville. And I began to feel that God was separating me from the life I had known. My identity for the last 10 years has been in the music industry. What I’ve done and how I’m known, as for many people, have been tied to my job, my career. At his right time in the story, he plucked me out of Tennessee and placed me in California. (Though I still don’t have a clear vision of why or what’s going to happen in place of this previous identity.)
Sometimes I feel selfish because I don’t pay as much attention to Nashville. There are moments I wish that I were closer to home. Where I could jump in the car and just road trip to Nashville real quick to comfort a friend – or comfort myself. But that’s simply not an option being in California. And planet tickets are flat expensive. So here I am for a reason. I’m learning. I’m learning to see seasons. I’m learning why Jesus came to Earth. I’m learning about church. I’m learning patience. I’m learning to rest. I’m learning how to be away. I’m learning how to study, to read. I’m learning how to build relationships from scratch (this one is hard and requires much patience). I’m learning that I’m OK being single. I’m learning about faith in future grace. I’m learning the importance of living today because I have no idea what the future holds. And it’s OK.
And if I were in Nashville, I wouldn’t be learning any of it.
Man, I can’t imagine going back right now. No offense to all my friends in Nashville but I really just can’t imagine being there right now. (I also haven’t fully recovered from the long three-day drive out here and am certainly not ready to make that trek again anytime soon.)
I guess it was easy to consider a 6-month/6-month trade-off when I hadn’t lived here yet. But as I watched life unfold here and there (Nashville), I realized there was more to this story than just coming out to get some courses done in California.
I was fine with moving to California. I knew that it had to happen eventually. I just didn’t think January 2008 would be the time. I wasn’t overly excited but I was fine with it. I knew that it was God leading me, which gave me confidence. I believed it was part of the story that he’s telling through me. And even in the moments of doubt, peace came. When moments of doubt came, I would think about the alternative to moving: staying. And the thought of staying in the same situation, going to work everyday, doing schoolwork and filling in any gaps with freelance, church, friends, etc., filled me with dread and agony. The best way to say it is that if I had stayed, I would have been miserable. Not because I was anticipating something so great in California, but because I knew I was supposed to leave. So to stay would have been wrong.
Yet I didn’t fully understand what it meant to leave. It wasn’t just about being in school and working towards a different career path. It wasn’t so much about going as it was about leaving. And it took me a while to see and accept exactly what was up.
It was interesting to see how life unfolded back home shortly after I left. My church merged with another church, for one. The church I had been attending and done ministry with suddenly looked different and pretty foreign to me. That led to thoughts of perhaps staying in California longer than short-term. Then some different things happened in the life of my best friend and I was thousands of miles away and felt completely unable to help. It was so frustrating. I was frustrated with the situation and I was frustrated with God for taking me so far away at just the point that I felt I could be really useful. I didn’t get it. I was upset, confused, separated but I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel homesick. There was no regret. So I said, “God, tell me. Tell me what all this means. Because I have some mixed feelings.”
And God’s cool. He reminded me that he wanted me in California and that the idea of staying in Nashville didn’t sit right with me. I would think again about the option of staying in Nashville and I knew that wouldn’t have been right. I felt the question, “If you had known this would happen, if given the choice, would you have stayed?” And I answered confidently in him, “No, no, I still would have left. I could not stay.”
And so God led me to the perspective that this journey to California wasn’t about going. It was about leaving. Leaving the world as I knew it Nashville. And I began to feel that God was separating me from the life I had known. My identity for the last 10 years has been in the music industry. What I’ve done and how I’m known, as for many people, have been tied to my job, my career. At his right time in the story, he plucked me out of Tennessee and placed me in California. (Though I still don’t have a clear vision of why or what’s going to happen in place of this previous identity.)
Sometimes I feel selfish because I don’t pay as much attention to Nashville. There are moments I wish that I were closer to home. Where I could jump in the car and just road trip to Nashville real quick to comfort a friend – or comfort myself. But that’s simply not an option being in California. And planet tickets are flat expensive. So here I am for a reason. I’m learning. I’m learning to see seasons. I’m learning why Jesus came to Earth. I’m learning about church. I’m learning patience. I’m learning to rest. I’m learning how to be away. I’m learning how to study, to read. I’m learning how to build relationships from scratch (this one is hard and requires much patience). I’m learning that I’m OK being single. I’m learning about faith in future grace. I’m learning the importance of living today because I have no idea what the future holds. And it’s OK.
And if I were in Nashville, I wouldn’t be learning any of it.
LIFE IN CALIFORNIA // My Box
I was thinking the other day about seeing things on a larger scale here in California. Los Angeles is a whole world away from Nashville. (And Nashville was quite a change from Michigan.) The diversity here is just…more! All the ethnicities, I see so much and so many around me. All shapes and sizes living life, whatever life that is (though I usually see it from inside the Jetta as I’m driving)
Fuller has me climbing out of my box to explore, look around and learn as well. I feel at home while I also wonder where I am. There are always rumblings about Fuller being liberal this or liberal that but it is a fully evangelical seminary. The faculty encourages all ideas to be laid out on the table. One is free to choose whatever idea she likes, just back it up! So I have found myself in interesting discussions or lectures where logical ideas that I never heard before were brought to the table. Some sound good but they just don’t seem to fit the world that I know while some absolutely make my spirit jump for joy. Take some and leave some. My Anthropology professor made the point in lecture this week that if we focus more on books with little application, we will quickly become cynical and that's how some have lost their faith in seminary (my paraphrase of Dr. Kraft).
For example, in my New Testament: Acts to Revelation course this winter, our professor gave lectures on the textual criticism of the Pauline corpus: which books Paul wrote, which ones he didn’t, when they were written, etc. I found myself getting caught up in those discussions. I found myself becoming cynical toward the Christian tradition I had been brought up in. We might find out one day if Paul or one of his disciples actually wrote Colossians but for me it finally down to the point that the argument didn't matter when it came to applying the words canonized in the Bible as the words of God. And I decided though it was interesting to investigate and discuss, that was a part of Fuller that didn't find a place in my daily application and context. So, I took the notes and became more scholarly but left most on the table.
On the opposite end, in my New Testament: The Gospels course this spring, my mind and spirit seemed to flourish as the assignments had me straight up in the Bible, teaching me how to read it with different eyes. The notes and the techniques Dr. Green gave us were and are absolutely applicable. It’s flat out amazing when you just do a “close reading of the text.”
Recently my box (my life and my perspective on it) came to mind. A time or two in the last six months, I think I toyed with idea of throwing my box away and starting over. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Get out of that box and think differently? Plus I had people here and there telling me that I would trade in Nashville for Los Angeles. All this together, I decided that I needed to go back and look at my box.
I found that six months later my box, my world, is bigger. It’s holding a few more things but it's still me. It looks like me and smells like me. It just sounds and thinks a bit differently. And I felt for the first time, I knew that it was OK. I knew it was OK to keep the same box rather than toss it out and start over. For a while I listened to the voices saying, "You like it; you'll stay." But recently I've worked at quieting those voices and decided that I need to hold onto this box, my world, me, what I know. It's 32 years of history, memories, stories, faith. This is where the word "go" came to me. This box holds the vision for this journey.
So this Midwestern-by-way-of-the-South girl knows that God doesn’t want her to get rid of her box, her world, for a bigger West Coast one. It just doesn’t make sense. The West Coast box would certainly cost more. But God is adding some West Coast things to my life, my world, but it's still me. I thought I would have to start over and get a new box for all the California and seminary experience. But really this is all growing with me. It won’t be too small for all these ideas, visions and perspectives at the end of the journey. I don't have to become an entirely new person. God didn't start over with me; he just took me to a new location.
And I think I believe more now than I ever have that this box, this world, this life of mine holds a mess of secrets that won’t come out until it gets a little bigger anyway.
Fuller has me climbing out of my box to explore, look around and learn as well. I feel at home while I also wonder where I am. There are always rumblings about Fuller being liberal this or liberal that but it is a fully evangelical seminary. The faculty encourages all ideas to be laid out on the table. One is free to choose whatever idea she likes, just back it up! So I have found myself in interesting discussions or lectures where logical ideas that I never heard before were brought to the table. Some sound good but they just don’t seem to fit the world that I know while some absolutely make my spirit jump for joy. Take some and leave some. My Anthropology professor made the point in lecture this week that if we focus more on books with little application, we will quickly become cynical and that's how some have lost their faith in seminary (my paraphrase of Dr. Kraft).
For example, in my New Testament: Acts to Revelation course this winter, our professor gave lectures on the textual criticism of the Pauline corpus: which books Paul wrote, which ones he didn’t, when they were written, etc. I found myself getting caught up in those discussions. I found myself becoming cynical toward the Christian tradition I had been brought up in. We might find out one day if Paul or one of his disciples actually wrote Colossians but for me it finally down to the point that the argument didn't matter when it came to applying the words canonized in the Bible as the words of God. And I decided though it was interesting to investigate and discuss, that was a part of Fuller that didn't find a place in my daily application and context. So, I took the notes and became more scholarly but left most on the table.
On the opposite end, in my New Testament: The Gospels course this spring, my mind and spirit seemed to flourish as the assignments had me straight up in the Bible, teaching me how to read it with different eyes. The notes and the techniques Dr. Green gave us were and are absolutely applicable. It’s flat out amazing when you just do a “close reading of the text.”
Recently my box (my life and my perspective on it) came to mind. A time or two in the last six months, I think I toyed with idea of throwing my box away and starting over. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Get out of that box and think differently? Plus I had people here and there telling me that I would trade in Nashville for Los Angeles. All this together, I decided that I needed to go back and look at my box.
I found that six months later my box, my world, is bigger. It’s holding a few more things but it's still me. It looks like me and smells like me. It just sounds and thinks a bit differently. And I felt for the first time, I knew that it was OK. I knew it was OK to keep the same box rather than toss it out and start over. For a while I listened to the voices saying, "You like it; you'll stay." But recently I've worked at quieting those voices and decided that I need to hold onto this box, my world, me, what I know. It's 32 years of history, memories, stories, faith. This is where the word "go" came to me. This box holds the vision for this journey.
So this Midwestern-by-way-of-the-South girl knows that God doesn’t want her to get rid of her box, her world, for a bigger West Coast one. It just doesn’t make sense. The West Coast box would certainly cost more. But God is adding some West Coast things to my life, my world, but it's still me. I thought I would have to start over and get a new box for all the California and seminary experience. But really this is all growing with me. It won’t be too small for all these ideas, visions and perspectives at the end of the journey. I don't have to become an entirely new person. God didn't start over with me; he just took me to a new location.
And I think I believe more now than I ever have that this box, this world, this life of mine holds a mess of secrets that won’t come out until it gets a little bigger anyway.
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