My entry today is a psalm of testimony that I wrote for my class on the Old Testament Writings this winter. What's really interesting is how it applies even more to where I'm at right now. I wrote this in early February. This is the first draft; not sure if I'll ever revise it.
I give all thanks to the Lord;
by his steadfastness, I am glad.
Now my heart and spirit can rejoice,
for the Lord is faithful.
Listen to this!
Let me tell how my heart was sad;
how my spirit was overwhelmed.
For many days life was good, and I heard from God.
But the ways of life grabbed me, and I became distracted.
I moved from one place to the next,
to be unknown,
But I kept going,
filling the days with reasons,
keeping my feet to the road.
Those I loved fell ill
and I found new reasons to not be still.
“I must take care for them. I will return soon.”
But I always meant to stay away.
I thought some days his voice would grow more distant,
as I flew from one place to the next.
But always, no matter where I was,
the Spirit was there to say, “Be still.
Come away from those places.”
I knew I could not last like one lost in the desert.
I was thirsty and hungry.
My spirit more overwhelmed than I realized,
tears were my ever-present companion.
I said to the Lord, “I will go home.
I will be known.
I will be present.”
Then the overwhelming darkness within lifted.
The Spirit came and removed it.
I allowed the Lord to enter, and he blew it all away.
Like the storm clouds give way to sunlight.
Gone were the heavy feelings,
lifted were the sorrows.
The Lord dried my tears,
and my heart felt free again.
I could smile;
I could speak.
People, people, listen!
I feel a million times better.
I did not realize how deep the sadness had grown,
how all the excuses kept me trapped.
And from this day forward,
I will speak honestly to myself
and speak honestly to my God.
Don’t try to fill your days so as to numb the pains.
Let the pains hurt so God can heal.
God is so good.
He is so faithful.
He knows and yet he still loves.
He cares and comforts.
Heal, Lord, so that your name is glorified.
God is awesome! Glory to his name!